Manchester United news and links

Posted in Syndicated News on Saturday 28th Aug 2010

Wayne Rooney scored his first goal of the season from the spot as United swept aside an insipid West Ham

Preamble: I think we all have an idea about which way this one will go, don’t we? West Ham, a side still seeking an identity under new coach Avram Grant, have lost two out of two in the league this season and fudged their way past League Two side Oxford in the Carling Cup thanks to a 90th-minute winner. United cruised past Chelsea in the Community Shield and then Newcastle on the opening day of the Premier League season before coming slightly unstuck against Fulham last weekend. Still, West Ham haven’t scored against United – let alone picked up a point – since 2008 (quite a memorable one, though) and with Wayne Rooney in need of a goal after some 18 misfiring hours (ah, England v Algeria – the memories), Robert Green is second only to Chris Kirkland as the keeper most strikers would like to face right now.

Then again, not many people were predicting a Wigan clean sheet at Spurs today. And West Ham have won three times at Old Trafford in the last 10 years. “Football? Bloody hell!” I believe is the expression.

Predictions? Oh go on, then: Manchester United 4-0 West Ham. They don’t have a cat in a bin’s chance.

Scenes the like of which we wont see again today but which may provide some small solace for Hammers fans.

And another one, from the FA Cup in 2001.

This evening’s men:
Man Utd: Van der Sar, O’Shea, Vidic, Jonathan Evans, Evra, Nani, Scholes, Fletcher, Giggs, Rooney, Berbatov.
Subs: Kuszczak, Owen, Smalling, Hernandez, Carrick, Rafael Da Silva, Valencia.
West Ham: Green, Spector, Gabbidon, Upson, Ilunga, Faubert, Noble, Parker, Boa Morte, Dyer, Cole.
Subs: Stech, Barrera, Kovac, McCarthy, da Costa, Stanislas, Piquionne.
Referee: Mark Clattenburg (Tyne & Wear)

5.15pm: West Ham manager Avram Grant says his team have switched formations to one they tried during pre-season, which looks like a pretty orthodox 4-5-1, such as they are these days. Jon Spector lines up at right back, with Julien Faubert pushed into midfield – where he actually plays. Luis Boa Morte also comes in to the midfield, with Frederic Picquionne and Pablo Barrera the players to make way. “The team came with a positive attitude,” says Grant. “They know that Man United are a big team but we can perform well.” If West Ham lose today, it will mean their worst start to a season since 1977.

5.20pm: For United, Antonio Valencia, Park Ji-sung and Javier Hernandez are rotated out and in come Nani, Ryan Giggs and Rooney. Paul Scholes will be showing deep-lying playmakers the world over how to play the deep-lying playmaker role. “Obviously we’re happy that Wayne’s back. He’s trained all week and he’s ready to play,” SAF didn’t tell the BBC.

An unrelated point: On an unrelated point, I’m going to go an see Scott Pilgrim vs the World after finishing up, so I’ll throw this out there … Michael Cera – this best comic actor going right now.

Are you listening, Paul the octopus? “Bet the lads aren’t still laughing after Barry said he fancied Wigan to get something away at Spurs,” email Luis. “Barry the psychic Irishman anyone?” Let’s just hope Barry put his money where his mouth was, or the funk could be on Chez Glendenning.

Peep! Shall we? Let’s …

1 min: West Ham retain the ball for the first 45 seconds, which I think qualifies as a bright start by their standards.

3 min: So, the visitors are lined up with a five across the middle, Kieron Dyer on the left and Julien Faubert on the right and Carlton Cole mooching around the final third on his own. So far they’ve oscillated between nice short passing and clumsily giving the ball away.

4 min: Patrice Evra tricks his way past Faubert and Spector on the United left through a combination of luck and skill but his cross is behind the United players gathering in the box.

5 min: Dyer then very nearly does a similar thing at the other end but then lets the ball dribble away from him rather than, y’know, kick it.

7 min: Could be a long evening for Carlton Cole. He can’t quite get on the end of Faubert’s square ball and Nemanja Vidic clears. West Ham actually have made a bright start, as opposed to a ‘bright start’.

9 min: Dimitar Berbatov is flagged offside after some gentle probing by United. The home side seem very relaxed, as if they might try and stroke West Ham into submission today. “Michael Cera is the spit of a young Arsene Wenger,” suggest Ben Stanley. There’s a comedy film in that, possibly involving the frequent mislaying of spectacles.” Wenger’s team could probably teach Cera a thing or two about Arrested Development, too.

10 min: Berbatov finds Rooney some 30 yards out and the Scouse lad drifts across the box before finding enough space for a right-footed shot. It was straight at Green but, well, then so was Clint Dempsey’s effort. This one stays out.

12 min: The visitors are plying a nice line in unambitioug knocking-it-about as I type. Not really going towards the United goal but, hey. Berbatov again tees up Rooney, heading a cross into his strike partner’s path but Rooney sort of shins it into the floor and it’s cleared. I have a feeling I may write a few versions of that sentence over the next 75 minutes.

14 min: Nani boings-boings on his tip-toes on the right knocking the ball back to John O’Shea. His cross finds Berbatov but he’s in no sort of position to head it and ball drops safely to Green. It’s bucketing down at Old Trafford.

15 min: Benjamin Hendy demands the stage: “I, too, am off to see Scott Pilgrim this evening, though I have to say that Michael Cera is the only thing about the film that I don’t care for going in. He was brilliant in Arrested Development as George Michael Bluth, but since then he’s played George Michael Bluth in Superbad, Nick & Nora’s Infinite Playlist, Juno and a few other things I can’t really remember. The point being, he’s not a gifted comic talent, he’s a one note actor. Or he is at the moment anyway. He would be well advised to try his hand at something that requires him to broaden his range. Although, perhaps SCvTW does that. I trust Edgar Wright implicitly, and eveyrthing I have heard says the movie is great, but I’m kinda bored of Michael Cera.” But he hits thats note pretty sweetly, doesn’t he Ben?

17 min: Nani is fould on the edge of the West Ham box and the Portuguese then dusts himself off to take the free-kick. It’s a decent effort but doesn’t come down enough to trouble the goalkeeper.

19 min: Mark Noble has his particulars taken down by Mark Clattenburg for a foul on Wayne Rooney. United still yet to really land a punch on the Hammers.

20 min: Nani, who’s seeing quite a bit of the ball so far, shoulders Faubert off it but plops his cross straight into a grateful Green’s arms. A bit damp and squibby so far, this one.

22 min: Kieron Dyer, eh. I feel quite nostalgic watching him scamper around. Charles Robinson perhaps feels slightly differently: “Chris Waddle says of Dyer that ‘he’s got legs and can run all day’! If this is a reference to Kieran, then God help us.”

24 min: Nani thumps a shot into the bar! Actually it was a very good save from Green … Berbatov had knocked the ball back into Nani’s path on the left, around 20 yards out, and Nani rifled an effort which Green did really well to flip onto the underside of the bar. Closest we’ve come to a goal.

26 min: Wayne Rooney has a bad touch. Wayne Rooney has a good touch which comes to nothing. Wayne Rooney may or may not score a hat-trick today. What do I know?

27 min: Nemanja Vidic slides in on Carlton Cole in the area but takes the ball cleanyl. He also appears to have injured Cole in the process …

29 min: Cole goes off for a bid of treatment. Here’s Hugh Collins in support of the thesis we are debating: Michael Cera – one of earth’s great comedians. “Cera may only hit one note, but goddamn George Michael Bluth is funny. If anything in this Scott Pilgrim movie is half as amusing as the mayonegg, then it’s worth watching.”

31 min: This game is so low key it’s practically under the doormat. Hang on …

PENALTY to Manchester United! Spector brings down Giggs in the area and, well, you know what happens next.

GOAL! Manchester United 1-0 West Ham (Wayne Rooney 33) Hat-trick, anyone? Rooney breaks the longest goal drought of his career by planting the ball roughly down the middle, with Green diving to his right. It was definitely a B- as far as penalties go but I doubt he cares about that.

35 min: West Ham’s gameplan, which seems to involve never venturing beyond the second third of the pitch and hoping Rooney remained in form, so to speak, might need to tweak things. Gabbidon bundles the ball out for a corner and United come forward again.

36 min: Two emails that neatly intersect: “I would argue that Michael Cera is the best Michael Cera comic actor working right now, I love the boy but it’s rarely a stretch,” says Alex Hynes. “I think given the right material the criminally underused David Krumholtz could give him a run. Also Jason Bateman and Will Arnett the other Bluths would give him a run too. Now back to laughing at the Wigan result.” And here’s Greg Scully on that Wigan upset, as mentioned earlier: “Seems to me that even if Baz forgot to place the necessary handicap bet, Michael Cera could tell him there’s always money in the Banana Stand. Or the Spud Stop, as we call it in Ireland.”

38 min: I think Dyer just had a decent run down the left but without supplying an end product but I can’t swear to it.

39 min: Darren Fletcher lays the ball into Rooney and his pass into Nani’s path is weighted just right. The Portuguese had come off his wing but miscontrolled and West Ham clear …

40 min: Rob Green then pulls out a top drawer save to deny Fletcher, who really spanked one from 25 yards or so out. Right in the top corner, that was going.

42 min: Faubert and Spector – who could quite easily be a bumbling, comedy detective duo (perhaps with Michael Cera playing an existentially bemused Spector) – make a rod for their own backs again down in the right-back area but get lucky with the ball eventually coming off Patrice Evra for a goalkick.

43 min: West Ham are then gently prised apart again by the home side and Berbatov gets two bits at it, first lashing a volley into Danny Gabbidon and then skewing the ball over after the rebound fell to him.

45 min: Mark Noble nearly slips Wayne Rooney through one on one. Yes, you did read that right. Gabbidon averts disaster.

45+1 min: Beautiful pass from Giggs, banana splits the West Ham backline and sets Nani rushing through on Green’s goal. His first touch is okay but he then gets under an attempted lob and sends the chance some way over … What a ball from Giggs, though.

Peep! Peep! That’s it, United are sitting pretty at the break. I don’t think West Ham have had a shot.

Half-time emails. Get them while they’re hot.

For those who enjoy Spurs’ misery, I present Oliver Dennis. “Surely the Wigan result was a cunning plan to lull Inter Milan into complacency?” That Redknapp, he is a cunning one. Two points from eight games, if I recall …

I think we’re going to create the Cera urtext this evening. Christopher Price has been stroking his chin. “I would argue Michael Cera that he doesn’t play George Michael Bluth as much as he plays variations of a Michael Cera persona. I think he is gifted in playing himself and using the various nuances of oblivious and awkward that are part of his persona in the same way Jack Nicholson has in playing psychologically unhinged. All the great actors of the old school simply played variations of themselves. Bogart or Jimmy Stewart are cast and the filmmakers don’t have to worry themselves about writing pages of tedious backstory. The only actor I care for who obsessively “disappears” into roles is Daniel Day Lewis, who always plays Daniel Day Lewis after a psychotic break and decides he’s Napoleon. I guess I’m agreeing with you, and that Cera is a sort of indie rock Woody Allen.

“He also has the frame and hair of a 1970s footballer.

“That was far more than I was wanting to write.

“P.S. There is another fight you could start. British Office vs Arrested Development–which is superior? I would go with AD any day of the week.” I might go with you there, Christopher. It’s so tightly plotted. I’m sure the Office diehards will accept defeat quietly.

“Michael Cera as Jonathon Spector?” says Greg Scully. “Only if Vincent Cassel plays Faubert …” Deal.

And here’s Bret LaGree with a video I don’t have the time to watch now but which I’m sure we can all enjoy later. “He may not be asked to stretch himself much by others, but he wrote a pretty good part for himself in ‘Clark and Michael’ a couple years ago that showed a greater range.”

Peep! Peep! West Ham, still playing in white with light blue shorts, kick off the second half. Can the Hammers find something in the tank and save themselves from propping up the table this evening?

46 min: No changes for either side, by the way. Thoughts on how to gee West Ham up? We don’t just have to talk about awkward American character actors. How about bringing on Benni McCarthy (stop smirking at the back)?

48 min: Some hope: the last team to come from behind and win against United? West Ham! So says Jon Champion in the ESPN commentary box. Then this happens …

GOAL! Manchester United 2-0 West Ham (Nani 49) Now that was a clinical strike and Nani has put the lid on it as far as West Ham’s hopes of getting a point, I fear. Rooney picked up the ball in the centre of the pitch and fed Nani who had again come in off the right flank. Nani drove at the West Ham penalty area, feinted, left Danny Gabbidon on his backside and then hammered a left-footed shot past Green from the edge of the box.

51 min: Kieron Dyer pirouettes neatly in the area but he’s eventually chased out by Nemanja Vidic. Alongside Scott Parker, he’s probably been West Ham’s best player, Dyer. Not that that’s saying much.

52 min: A gorgeous passing move involving Rooney then Nani, leading to a Berbatov backheel sets Rooney running through another yawning hole in the backline – but Gabbidon slides in brilliantly to deny the England striker.

54 min: Dyer hits the outside of the post! It would have taken some effort to beat Van der Sar but it was a decent move from West Ham, culminating in Faubert backheeling the ball into Dyer’s path after he’d gone over to the right. He curled a shot that had Van der Sar at full stretch – but it thunked against the outside of the post and away for a goalkick.

57 min: A very good question from Martin: “Is Keiron Dyer good again or are the rest of the West Ham team THAT bad?” I’m afraid that’s beyond my ken, Mart, but I think the latter is more probable.

59 min: West Ham are struggling here, they just don’t seem to be able to exert any pressure on United. Pablo Barrera, the Hammers’ Mexican winger, is warming up.

60 min: United again slice and dice West Ham with some neat interplay but Berbatov’s final ball is too far ahead of Rooney and Gabbidon shepherds it away.

61 min: Avram Grant gets out his big hook and yanks off Julien Faubert, sending on Barrera to track fruitlessly up and down the right wing.

62 min: Paul Scholes pops up again in the Scholes slot and hammers a low, Scholes-like effort at goal … but it’s straight down Green’s throat again.

64 min: United balls up a short corner routine before Giggs, Scholes and Evra indulge in some exhibition stuff. Nani’s cutback is then this far short of providing Scholes with a free shot about 10 yards out. Gabbidon once again threw himself into the breach.

66 min: Giggs has a go at scoring from the byline on the right after Luis Boa Morte had conceded the set piece with a needless foul on someone or other. Selfish, says Champion, but who isn’t these days? “I cannot believe that Larry David hasn’t been mentioned in all this. He is the king of comedy,” blurts Kevin O’Conner. “‘Michael Cera is the indie rock Woody Allen’!!!!!!!!! That’s a pretty outrageous statement. He’s more Hugh Grant than Woody Allen.”

GOAL! Manchester United 3-0 West Ham (Dimitar Berbatov 68) All over, is this one. O’Shea plays a square ball into Nani’s feet inside the area on the right and his clipped cross to the back post is acrobatically volleyed past a helpless Green by Berba. Top finish from the Bulgarian and United are coasting.

70 min: Scott Parker, Scott Parker, Scott Parker. “Scott Parker,” echoes Jonny Mac. “You say he’s been one of West Ham’s better players today but, apart from being listed in the team sheet and in the sentence which you make that claim, he’s not had a mention. Is Scott Parker another one of those “He’s-the-best-player-in-a-very-very-poor-team” type of players? You’re going to mention him in the next five minutes now aren’t you?” Well, when I said best, I meant in a least inept sort of sense. Let’s not dwell on his pain.

73 min: “West Ham? More like Really Bad Team,” thanks for turning up, Josh Gerrard. It’s more than Avram Grant’s side have done today. On this evidence, the Hammers really will have to wait until October for their first points. Their next three fixtures: Chelsea (h), Stoke (a), Tottenham (h).

75 min: United bring on a trio of subsitutes in Chris Smalling, Michael Carrick and Michael Owen. Jonny Evans, Scholes and Berba depart. Kieron Dyer, who Hugh Collins has just suggested “barely qualifies as a full-time player”, also clocks off for the day and on comes Frederic Picquionne.

77 min: This sounds like a good programme. “I’m watching the match from the US and the channel showing it keeps showing ads for an upcoming ‘Live Soccer Talk, with Susan Sarandon’. No, really.” The fantastically named Snorri Matthíasson with that nugget.

79 min: The players are still gamely running around on the pitch but it’s just for show. I think a team of Michael Ceras might have put up more opposition than West Ham.

81 min: Parker, for indeed it was he, screws a shot wide after cutting inside Chris Smalling. “When did it become fashionable for football commentators to talk like Yoda?” asks Sean Hashegen. “I’ve noticed Tyldesley and co doing it on the telly, and now you’re at it too. For example: ‘Right in the top corner, that was going.’ 40 mins. ‘All over, is this one.’ 68 mins. What’s going on?” Allow me my affectations, please, Sean. Understand one day, you will.

83 min: Rooney plays in Giggs on the right but his shot is squeezed out for a corner. One more United goal and I am officially up there with Barry and the octopus in the prediction stakes.

86 min: Carrick takes one on the back of the head for the cause, blocking a shot from [West Ham player]. Does that count as an attempt on target? Probably not. A lot of teams are going to come to Old Trafford and not pick up any points this season but I’d be plenty worried if I was a West Ham fan on this evidence.

88 min: Nani rumbas his way through before unleashing a shot which loops off a defender for a corner. Chris Smalling then very nearly backheels in a fourth for United from the resultant set-piece.

89 min: A save! A save for Edwin van der Sar! Send out the word because West Ham have hit the target. No, it didn’t stand a chance of going in, as it was from a tight angle on the right of the box and straight at the keeper – but let’s credit Picquionne for at least getting the basics of shooting right.

90 min: Could this be the game changer? (Answer: no). Junior Stanislas is sent on in place of Boa Morte.

90+1 min: “Bit naughty that,” harrumphs Jenny. “The Guardian Premier League table was already showing United’s win and West Ham’s defeat with a full 10 minutes of the game left! In a rush to get to the pub?” You could have stuck those points up on the board before kick-off, Jenny, it was that nailed on.

Peep! Peep! Peepity-peep! Avram Grant can go and have a lie down, possibly on a chaise longue with a bespectacled man to tell his dreams to. That was a walk in the proverbial municipal green space for United. West Ham are bottom with zero points and a goal difference of -8. Stoke, the only other winless team in the division, are West Ham’s opponents in two games’ time, a fixture that already takes on a looming significance. United ran through the gears smoothly enough – they’re back up to third. I’m going to follow the comedy stylings of watching West Ham defend with a trip to see Scott Pilgrim. Thanks for all your emails … Bye.

Posted in News, Syndicated News on Sunday 4th Jul 2010

• ‘There’s nothing wrong with Rooney or his fitness’
• Striker to miss Manchester United’s tour of the US

The Manchester United manager, Sir Alex Ferguson, has dismissed the suggestion that Wayne Rooney was carrying an injury while on England duty at the World Cup.

Rooney, who was part of the side that departed ignominiously in the second round, failed to score in four appearances and looked a shadow of the player who struck 34 times for United last season. Ferguson, however, denied that an ankle injury suffered during United’s run-in had impacted upon Rooney’s form in South Africa.

“There’s nothing wrong with the lad or his fitness,” said Ferguson in the Mail on Sunday. “He’s relaxing on holiday in Barbados and I expect him to come back refreshed for the new season.”

Rooney will miss United’s pre-season tour of the United States, along with other team-mates involved at the World Cup.

Ferguson has also suggested that United will not be making any more forays into the transfer market, meaning the centre-back Chris Smalling, whose move from Fulham was agreed in January, and the Mexico striker Javier Hernández will likely be the only new faces at Old Trafford this summer.

“We’ve looked at a few options,” said Ferguson. “We did consider David Villa but he was always going to Barcelona. I just don’t believe there is value out there at the moment. I’m very happy with the strength of our squad as it is.”

Posted in News, Syndicated News on Tuesday 26th Jan 2010

• Twenty-year-old centre-back agrees to join in the summer
• Smalling joined Fulham from non-league Maidstone in 2008

Manchester United have agreed a deal to sign Fulham’s highly rated centre-back Chris Smalling. The 20-year-old had also been the subject of interest from Arsenal but he will now join Sir Alex Ferguson’s side at the end of the season.

The England Under-21 international, who has made just nine first-team appearances for the Cottagers, is thought to be valued at £7m. The switch to Old Trafford will complete a rapid rise to prominence for Smalling, who was playing non-league football with Maidstone two years ago.

“Manchester United have agreed terms for the transfer of Chris Smalling from Fulham,” said a spokesman. “Chris has agreed personal terms with the club and will join for the beginning of the 2010-11 campaign. He will remain at Fulham until the end of the current season.”

Earlier in the day the Arsenal manager, Arsène Wenger, had cast doubt on whether the transfer was a done deal, but admitted: “Manchester United offered more money than us”. The fee paid by United has not been disclosed.

Posted in Syndicated News on Tuesday 19th Jan 2010

Today’s questions ain’t half hot …

Posted in Syndicated News on Tuesday 3rd Nov 2009

United scored twice in the final ten minutes to come back from 3-1 down and book their spot in the knockout stages

Preamble: Good evening, and welcome to tonight’s Champions League action, brought to you in low-definition 2D text live from the Guardian’s award-winning offices in Kings Cross - some 160 miles from the venue for Manchester United v CSKA Moscow.

United can qualify for the knockout phase this evening, requiring only a draw to do so. If they win, and Wolfsburg fail to do the same in Turkey against Besiktas, then Sir Alex Ferguson’s mob will be assured of top spot as well.

For CSKA, who are now on their third manager of 2009, the omens aren’t good. They haven’t won on the road in the Champions League since beating Paris Saint-Germain in 2004; United are unbeaten at OT in 22 fixtures. Still, with Wolfsburg drawing at home last week, the Russians can still harbour hopes of going through even if they lose tonight.

Anyway, the big news is that Wayne Rooney, he that has recently sired a bairn, has disappointingly failed to take up his statutory two weeks’ paternity leave and is on the bench …

Tonight’s cast:

Man Utd: Van der Sar; Neville, Brown, Jonathan Evans, Fabio Da Silva; Valencia, Fletcher, Scholes, Nani; Macheda, Owen.
Subs: Kuszczak, Evra, Anderson, Rooney, O’Shea, Obertan, Gibson.

CSKA Moscow: Akinfeev; Alexei Berezutsky, Vasili Berezutsky, Ignashevich, Shchennikov; Krasic, Semberas, Aldonin, Mamaev, Necid; Dzagoev.
Subs: Pomazan, Daniel Carvalho, Maazou, Odiah, Piliev, Rahimic, Grigoriev.

Referee: Olegario Benquerenca (Portugal)

So, Kai’s dad is among the subs and another youngster, Federico Macheda, is to make his European debut. Darren Fletcher returns after injury to add some girders to the United midfield, and Wes Brown partners Jonny Evans at the back.

For the Army Men (sadly not these Army Men), new broom Leonid Slutsky makes one change from the team that gave him a win in his first match at the weekend, the Brazilian Daniel Carvalho dropping to the bench for Evgeni Aldonin.

Come on then, let’s have it. Would you? Names can be a tricky business, given that the people who bestow them never have to carry the burden of their choice. But, really … couldn’t they have thought of a better middle name than Wayne? As for Kai, I’m secretly hoping that the inspiration may lie in Coleen and Wayne’s childhood love of biology, and in particular the Chi-squared statistical analysis test.

Pre-match emails: “I’ve just been advertising your wares on the BBC,” writes Colum Farrelly. “So make it good please!” Thanks, Colum. I only really rise to the occasion when I know I’ve been pitched head-to-head with the national broadcaster.

“Is everything OK with the ‘Bangster’ (part Ballerina, part Gangster! Guess who?),” enquires Pramod Hegde. I’m guessing Rooney, Pramod, and, if you didn’t already know, he’s a bit tired out from Coleen squeezing his hand.

“The photo of Kai is great but also coincidentally has a Russian connection - although Kai perhaps did not have this immediate advantage, the “Russian Underwater Birthing” method has proven to be a very healthy transition from womb to atmosphere - apart from reduced trauma, underwater babies do things many conventional babies find impossible and after only two or three months often can stand and at six months they can walk. They rarely fall sick, easily withstand cold and weather changes, do not have temper tantrums, sleep soundly, and are physically stronger, more active, brighter an more resourceful than average. Perhaps a recipe for a life of footie …?” Obstetrics and Gynaecology specialist David Hilmy, there.

The teams take to the Old Trafford turf and the pre-match pleasantries get underway. They’re having a bit of a sing-song, that sort of thing …

Peep! We’re off!

1 min: CSKA charge forward from the kick-off, into acres of space in midfield, and Dzagoev fires a shot high and to the right of Edwin van der Sar’s goal.

3 min: After Akinfeev was fouled following a threatening ball into the CSKA box from United, Semberas this time fires wide for the Russians down at the other end. Then a long ball down the right from Neville sets Valencia off and running. His control isn’t the best, and he’s is squeezed out for a corner, which ultimately comes to nothing.

5 min: Valencia and Neville are already having success down the right, as United, despite missing a number of first-team regulars, settle into their usual smooth passing game. Be interesting to see how well Owen and Macheda dovetail tonight …

6 min: The Serbian, Krasic, is fouled by Fabio as CSKA probe down the right. Dzagoev whips in the free-kick but Van der Sar plucks it from the skies safely.

8 min: Owen looks to cause mischief through the middle but a heavy tough from the perpetually-infuriating Nani spoils the move. United are then forced back, with Wes Brown (now 30-years-old, incredibly) unable to find Owen with a long ball.

10 min: Oh my! Owen should have done better there. A slick move down the right saw Valencia exchange passes with Nani before driving to the byline and cutting the ball back. Owen is unmarked and tries to hook his right foot around the ball, but only succeeds in scuffing it at a defender. Tsk tsk.

11 min: Nani, whose backheel made that chance for Owen I should note, almost tricks his way into the box. Fabio then commits another foul. Looks like United are going to boss this one.

13 min: First Macheda, then Owen, is unable to get on the end of angled deliveries from the right, but after the ball is shepherded back into midfield, Darren Fletcher strides forward confidently and whips a shot that curls fractionally past Akinfeev’s right stick. Not a bad effort from the holding man - would have been a real netbuster.

15 min: “I was referring to ‘Berba’ (Rooney and a Ballerina??) with the Bangster comment!” says Pramod Hegde. Well, Rooney can be quite nimble-footed when he likes, Pramod. I suppose Berbatov has more of the look of a Mafioso though. He has a knee injury, I believe.

17 min: Owen really should score again. Nani feeds Owen on the edge of the box after a run down the left, and after a couple of lucky deflections, the United striker finds himself clean through but only manages to toe the ball straight at Akinfeev. Macheda, who was in an offside position, did well to leave the ball … but Owen has to do better there.

20 min: United’s patched up back line looks pretty comfortable, despite CSKA moving the ball around quite well in the final third. Van der Sar’s gloves have been warmed a couple of times, and Dzagoev looks tricky. Semberas lets fly from 30 yards, but only troubles the supporters in Row 32.

22 min: Nani mistimes a volley from a corner. Macheda is then inches from opening his European account, turning smartly on the edge of the box after Valencia’s pass and rifling a low, left-footed effort that swerves at the last minute past Akinfeev’s right post.

GOAL! Manchester United 0-1 CSKA (Dzagoev 25) Well, well. That really was a tremendous finish from Alan Dzagoev, and United are behind. Necid chested a through-ball on to Dzagoev, and a burst of pace took him past Wes Brown. He looked to have gone too far wide on the left, but as Evans came across, Dzagoev smashed a rising left-footed drive past a flabbergasted Van der Sar. Top finish from such an acute angle.

27 min: What was I saying about this being a United stroll? They have form in struggling against Russian opponents - their win in Moscow a fortnight ago was their first in six attempts.

GOAL! Manchester United 1-1 CSKA (Owen 29) Third time lucky for Owen, who swivels and tucks the ball home after another dangerous centre from Valencia. Nani was involved, but I couldn’t tell whether it was an intentional back heel or another miskick.

GOAL! Manchester United 1-2 CSKA (Krasic 31) Blimey, it’s all going off, and that previously sturdy United defence is breached again! Krasic looked offside when Necid played the ball into his path, but he was level. The Serb kept his cool to round Van der Sar and whack the ball into an empty net - although he almost fell over and missed in the doing.

33 min: United are being pushed right back, and Krasic wins a free-kick on the right after a crude Nani challenge. Danger here …

34 min: Krasic overhits his delivery by a mile, and United restart with a throw-in down in their corner. Fabio goes marauding down the left, the ball eventually breaking to Fletcher, who finds Valencia … but he loses the ball on the edge of the CSKA box and the visitors clear.

36 min: The Russians, cliche ahoy, are looking ice cool right now. Krasic does some dancing down the right - he’s really pulling Fabio all over the place tonight - but United eventually hoick the ball up to Akinfeev’s end. He then sticks it right back down in the corner with a huge kick.

37 min: Feel like hastily written internet prose on the beautiful game isn’t enough? Maudie Spurrier is with you: “As much as I love the Guardian MBM’s, WHY are there no radio stations covering the match? Five Live is covering Chelsea, Five Live Extra is for some unknown reason off air and Talk Sport is covering Chelsea too. Some of us don’t have Sky so can’t watch it and listening is the next best thing. If Five Live have got a commentator at Old Trafford (which they do because they check in with him every so often) why not put the game on Five Live Extra so I can listen to it as I’ve been looking forward to doing so all day (anything to make an essay on Gladstone’s first ministry more bearable)?” Ah, Gladstone’s first ministry. The memories …

38 min: Wes Brown gets a head on a Valencia corner from the right, but it’s not a firm connection and the ball drifts wide.

40 min: Fabio almost works an opening on the left, but the ball runs away for a goal-kick. “I think with Owen that whole ‘if you get one chance you want it to fall to him’ has always been a crock. Scholes every time on that front. But his movement in and around the box is so superior, that he gets in position for three times as many decent goal chances as other strikers. If Berbatov, say, was in his position today, I doubt he would have had three clear chances. When Owen’s bad, he hides. Today, he wants the ball, as though he can feel a goal coming - even though he should have scored a couple. Oh, there you go! Ha…” An epiphany strikes for Adrian Lobb.

42 min: Antonio Valencia may not be Cristiano Ronaldo, but he is by no means out of his depth on this stage. Still, he really should cross it rather than try to beat both of his markers twice over …

44 min: Macheda again serves notice of what a great player he is likely to be, trapping Neville’s misguided cross before dragging the ball away from his marker and drilling the ball at goal. Akinfeev is equal to it though; as he is 30 seconds later when Paul Scholes attempts a 25-yarder which the keeper beats away.

45 min: Scholes rakes the ball across field for Nani, who jinks inside and finds Macheda. Another back heel (the night’s trick move) sees the ball returned to Nani - but his driven strike hits a defender and loops well wide.

Half time: There’s no time for the corner, though, and Leonid Slutsky’s men have the upper hand at the break. Didn’t see that one coming.

Half-time emails: “A pet peeve of mine is when people refer to a football side as a nationality (e.g. The Russians) when the squad is actually multi-national. Am I wrong or should we refer to Man Utd as ‘The English’?” asks Colin Greer. They’re all just English and Russian pawns to me, Colin. That’s where they file their tax returns.

“Much as I sympathise with your reader Maudie, you should try listening abroad. The broadcasts cut off just as the match starts because the BBC, in its infinite dumbness, doesn’t have the rights. So the one medium which we would turn to first for a match we cannot watch and when we are beyond radio coverage is not available to us. It’s infuriating and has been going on for years. Beats me why they can’t negotiate the rights, it wouldn’t be competing with anyone as far as I can see. If you write to the BBC you get very smug replies.” Timothy Bird is having quite the opposite experience to our next emailer …

“I am in Saskatoon Canada and at present have live TV coverage of the Man U game, the Chelsea game and the AC/Real game. In addition am switching between the Guardian and the BBC text reports. No complaints here except from SWMBO. And she says I’m no good at multi-tasking.” At least Brian Loyd is happy.

“Why on earth has Nani not been jettisoned at this stage? While I agree he’s still young(ish) I do not understand that after 2 and a bit years of training with the likes of Giggs and as much as I hate to say it Ronaldo,” writes James Robinson.

Michael Jackson, remember him? Sky have been trailing this during the ad breaks. Could there be anything more brilliant?

Peep! We’re back with the footer, and United are off in hunt of an equaliser. Stay tooned.

GOAL! Manchester United 1-3 CSKA (Vasili Berezutski 46) They’ll need more than an equaliser now! Valencia brings down Mamaev, I think, on the left and Dzagoev’s delivery to the back post is expertly headed low back across Van der Sar by Vasili Berezutski.

48 min: Incredibly, Michael Owen appears to have been booked for a dive … by Darren Fletcher … that wasn’t a dive! Berezutski clearly clipped Fletcher near the penalty spot, but the referee gave CSKA a free-kick.

50 min: Fletcher’s name has come up with a yellow card on the tele, so maybe the ref was just a bit imprecise in his waving of the card. That was pretty ordinary, to borrow an Australianism, from the referee - United should have had a penalty.

52 min: Nani’s cross, from the left, is good this time, but Valencia can’t quite get on the end of it.

53 min: Aldonin goes into the book for chopping down Fletcher. “Great photo!” emails Justin Kavanagh. “I’d wondered what Shane McGowan was up to these days. He’s looking healthier on the vodka!” That is an uncanny likeness that Alan Dzagoev has for the Pogues crooner.

55 min: Here comes Wazza, then. Perhaps he’ll be inspired by the newfound responsibility on his shoulders … Or maybe he’ll just throw a tantrum in honour of baby Kai. He certainly knows how to spit the dummy. His dribbling should be spot on though. Okay, enough.

57 min: Nani makes way for Rooney. The only other time United have conceded three this season was … in the 4-3 victory over City. They’ll need something similarly dramatic tonight, as Krasic goes slaloming into the danger area again.

58 min: Will Ferguson pay for treating the CSKA threat lightly tonight? Fabio comes off for the experienced Evra, but it’s the Russian side who have the next sight of goal, Aldonin shooting wide.

60 min: Aldonin brings down Fletcher some 30 yards out and Scholes hits a rasping daisy cutter that Akinfeev does well to push away from goal. Valencia follows up with a shot that Akinfeev blocks at the near post - but the Ecuadorian was offside.

62 min: Neville and Valencia link up well on the right wing and Neville swings a cross in towards the near post. Rooney connects, but the ball slides off his forehead and bounces wide of the left post. Difficult chance, that.

63 min: Macheda, who has gone a bit missing this half, tries to combine with Owen down the left but Berezutski intercepts the ball and goes rumbling forward. Him and Necid are on completely different wavelengths, though, and Berezutski’s through-ball ends up with Van der Sar.

65 min: After being carved open frequently by United in the first quarter of this game, CSKA seem to have finally got the measure of their host’s attacking personnel. Owen concedes a free-kick deep in CSKA territory.

67 min: Neville shows pace that belies his years looking to latch on to Scholes’s chip behind the defence. He can’t quite get there, though, and the ball runs off for a goal-kick.

68 min: Macheda’s ball nearly slips Rooney in on goal and Ignashevich has to scamper across the cut off the danger. Owen is then almost presented with another one-on-one, but Akinfeev gets there.

69 min: Elvir Rahimic comes on in place of Pavel Mamaev. He’ll look to shore up CSKA’s left flank.

70 min: A precise pass from Rooney sends Owen running in to the left channel, but it comes to nothing. United then try to thread the needle down the right, with the lively-looking Rooney again at the centre of things.

72 min: Semberas goes into the book for a cynical clip on Owen, a blatant attempt to slow the game down. Daniel Carvalho comes in place of the goal scorer, Dzagoev.

74 min: Apropos of the BBC coverage debate, Gary Naylor has taken the opportunity to lob some bombs at Lord Ferg: “I’m very pleased that the BBC have chosen not to cover this match - perhaps when the purple martinet deigns to speak to them, the BBC should deign to cover his club’s matches.”

77 min: United are struggling to raise the tempo here (which we all know is crucial to unsettling a comfortably entrenched side protecting a lead) and the Army Men remain dangerous on the break. Akinfeev, who has looked very accomplished tonight, nearly finds Carvalho, I think, with a 60-yard hoof.

78 min: United have chances to score twice, but Akinfeev is equal to them both times. First Owen, on the penalty spot, does well to direct a header down and across the goal only for Akinfeev to sprawl to his left. He was then quickly on his feet to deny Rooney at his post …

80 min: Macheda hits the post! It was from a header, I think. Rooney is then thwarted by the alert Akinfeev. The CSKA goal is living a charmed life.

81 min: Ferguson sends on Gabriel Obertan in place of Macheda. United continue to probe, but Berezutski heads Neville’s cross away from danger.

82 min: Akinfeev turns over a Scholes piledriver from the edge of the box. It was going straight at him.

GOAL! Manchester United 2-3 CSKA (Scholes 84) Just as I was beginning to think that United were not going to get back into this, Paul Scholes rises to direct a header across the goal and in at the far post from a Gary Neville free-kick. It was a silly handball from Aldonin that gave United their opportunity.

86 min: The drowsy Old Trafford support comes to life with that goal, and the red shirts pour forward again. Fletcher looks a little bewildered when he concedes a free-kick … an act which gives Georgi Schennikov the chance to plead cramp (and waste a bit more time).

87 min: Slutsky is rocking back and forth in his dugout seat. He looks like he’s having a little episode, rather than a man on the brink of ending United’s four-year unbeaten run at home in Europe.

89 min: Slutsky’s praying his team don’t give it up, but they almost do just that, confusion among the defence seeing the ball rebound pinball-style towards Valencia, forcing Akinfeev to rush from his line and clean up once again.

90 min: Vasili Berezutski does well to block a Rooney shot … then Akinfeev, who has been immense, deals with a Neville cross.

GOAL! Manchester United 3-3 CSKA (Schennikov og 90+1) Heartbreak for Slutsky and Akinfeev, in particular! Antonio Valencia picked the ball up some 25 yards out on the right-hand side of the box and hit a shot that was going to fly wide of the upright - but which cannoned off Schennikov and flew almost at right-angles across the goal, completely wrong-footing Akinfeev.

90+4 min: Red card! (Semberas) Obertan is booked after an altercation with Semberas and then the Lithuanian receives a second yellow. He’s off for an ever-so-slightly early bath.

95+5 min: United are still pressing for a winner here, but a couple of goalmouth scrambles result in hands on heads and nothing more.

Peep! Peep! Peep! That’s it, United have salvaged the point they needed to secure qualification from Group B.

I’m not sure if that equaliser will go down as Valencia’s or an own goal, but it looked like the initial strike was heading wide to me, so I’m giving it to Schennikov. Fair play to United for not giving up, and Ferguson for throwing on Rooney and Evra - they looked well out of it with 10 minutes to go, but performed yet another Old Trafford comeback. Their unbeaten European home run continues and they remain well-placed to win the group, despite a win for Wolfsburg at Besiktas. Thanks for all your emails tonight and apologies for those I couldn’t use. Cheerio …

Posted in Syndicated News on Sunday 26th Jul 2009

Today’s questions are on the house …

Posted in Syndicated News on Sunday 12th Oct 2008

Real Madrid coach Bernd Schuster has said that his club will continue their pursuit of Cristiano Ronaldo in 2009