Manchester United news and links

Get all the latest odds as United bid to go back atop the Premier League.

Manchester United chief executive David Gill has hinted at more signings by the club this summer.


United have agreed a deal for Mexico striker Javier Hernandez, providing they can secure a work permit for the 21-year-old. However, reports suggest the Reds have turned down a move for Spain’s David Villa because of his lofty price tag.

Reds are out of Europe, but Nick Coppack says there’s still plenty to play for.

Victory at Ewood Park on Sunday would put United back on top of the table.

Today’s tat has just imagined Willy Nilly, a gameshow devised and hosted by John Terry

The Mill doesn’t really know about noisy neighbours. We’re of no fixed abode for a start, slithering from under a different rock each morning with a fresh tidbit about Nyron Nosworthy’s contract negotiations. Besides, our hearing has never been the same since some toerag convinced us there was a G-spot in the right ear and we got a bit too zesty with a Johnson’s cotton bud one hazy night.

Despite all that, even we can discern that there’s going to be a fair bit of noise in Manchester this summer – particularly if, as today’s Daily Mail suggests, City sign United’s European conqueror Ivica Olić. Now Olić is a very decent player, but this has the whiff of sheer pettiness, a tactic of which the Mill wholeheartedly approves.

City also want Benfica’s Argentine left-winger Angel Di Maria. Just like they did yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that. Manchester United want Di Maria too, but they don’t have a thing to thingy in so, according to the Daily Mirror, they reckon Di Maria might be too lightweight for the Premier League. Unlike the 4ft2ins, seven-stone-wet-through Javier Hernández, who they provisionally signed yesterday.

One player City won’t be signing is former Arsenal enforcer Mathieu Flamini. He is happy sat on a Milanese bench. In fact he loves it, but only because of a little-known apparition last November, during which he was told that what he was doing was really profound and Gallic and existential and deep and if he stayed in Milan for two years somebody would commission Flamini: a 21st Century Portrait of a Man Who Does Bugger All, with an acapella soundtrack from Jónsi and a cameo from that bloke who calls Clarence Seedorf Willy Wonka.

Sunderland and Newcastle want to sign Birmingham’s Sebastian “Seb” Larsson. Is that news?

Tottenham will introduce a new geriatrico policy by signing Real Madrid’s Guti, aged 5,413,190, on a free transfer this summer, shortly followed by Emilio Butragueno, Hugo Sanchez, Raymond Kopa and that Pavon fella. Rumours that David Bentley will subvert the soooo 20th century greet-the-new-man-by-cutting-a-hole-in-his-socks welcome by putting something special in Guti’s hair-gel bottle are unconfirmed, as are rumours that Jermaine Jenas literally hasn’t stopped weeping for the last 27 hours upon realising that he is now so anonymous that any old flouncing grandad can get a game ahead of him. He was Young Player of the Year in 2003, you know. Jenas!

Robbie Fowler was Young Player of the Year in 1995 and 1996; quite right too, because he was blessed with a touch of genius. He was also blessed with plenty of dignity, but most of that has subsequently been spunked all round the north west of England and bits of Australia. Fowler is apparently going to join Sydney FC after the final collapse of his North Queensland Fury. Fowler is 35 today. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, was it?

The papers are brimming with potential summer transfer targets.

It’s not all doom and gloom on Talking Reds - far from it, in fact.

• Glazer family debt rules out deal for Valencia international
• Manchester United sign Mexico striker Javier Hernández

Manchester United have turned down the chance to sign David Villa, the Spain striker, because of the financial restrictions placed upon Sir Alex Ferguson by the club’s ruling Glazer family.

Villa, one of the most revered forwards in the world during five prolific years at Valencia, is to leave the Mestalla in the summer and, after initially stating that he wanted to stay in Spain and move to either Barcelona or Real Madrid, has changed his position with information reaching United in the last few weeks that they are his preferred destination.

Ferguson is a long-time admirer of the 28-year-old but Valencia want around £35m to £40m and United’s position is that the fee will have to be lowered otherwise it will be financially prohibitive at a time when the club has accrued debts in excess of £700m. This is despite Ferguson’s repeated insistence that the balance from the £80m sale of Cristiano Ronaldo to Real Madrid last summer is available, United having already spent £20m.

Instead, United responded to their eliminationfrom the Champions League by announcing that they had agreed a deal with Chivas de Guadalajara to sign the Mexico striker Javier Hernández, dependent on the 21-year-old gaining a work permit.

Hernández, also known as Chicharito or “Little Pea”, has passed a medical and becomes the seventh striker on United’s payroll alongside Wayne Rooney, Michael Owen, Dimitar Berbatov, Federico Macheda, Daniel Welbeck and Mame Biram Diouf. However, his arrival for an undisclosed fee will do little to dispel growing concerns among United supporters that Ferguson is being deprived of significant transfer funds to bring in a player who can ease the level of dependence on Rooney.

Villa would have been one such man, second only to Raúl in La Liga’s list of all-time scorers, and is so intrigued by the possibility of playing in the Premier League he is already taking English lessons. He has also spoken to Fernando Torres, his international team-mate, about Liverpool but accepted they would not be able to afford him. Villa thinks less favourably of Chelsea and Manchester City, the two clubs who would have fewer problems matching the fee.

As well as currently being out of United’s price range, however, Villa does not fit the Glazers’ policy of avoiding spending large sums on players who are 26 or above and who would, in theory, have little resale value at the end of a four- or five-year contract. The club made an exception for Dimitar Berbatov, who was 27 when he signed from Tottenham Hotspur for £30.75m in September 2008, but that transfer has been described by the chief executive, David Gill, as the last of its kind.

Hernández has scored 11 goals in Mexico’s Primera División this season, putting him joint third in the scoring charts, and has won four caps, scoring against New Zealand, Bolivia and North Korea. As part of the deal, United will play a friendly to open the new Chivas stadium in July.

“I am delighted to reach agreement with Chivas to bring in such an exciting young striker, who has been in such prolific form for both his club and his country,” Ferguson said. “He will be a great addition to our squad and we look forward to welcoming our first Mexican player in the summer.”

“I feel like I am living a dream,” Hernández told the club’s television station. “All the impressions I have of the club are good and Sir Alex Ferguson is a great person, maybe the best coach in the world.”

The signing was announced as Wayne Rooney underwent further tests on the ankle injury he aggravated during the Champions League quarter-final against Bayern Munich on Wednesday. Rooney had initially been ruled out of the match and is in danger of missing Sunday’s game at Blackburn Rovers, but Ferguson said he did not regret rushing him back.

“I never force the medical staff into anything,” he said. “It is important they make the right decisions about players’ fitness. And they made the right decision. The medical staff did not see any problem.”

The Football Association has been monitoring the situation closely but, despite Fabio Capello’s obvious concerns about seeing his main striker limp off for a second time in eight days, England’s management team are said to understand United’s position and the reasons for playing Rooney. Capello and his medical team had been aware since last weekend that there was a good chance Rooney could play and that the injury was nothing like as serious as Ferguson had portrayed when he ruled the player out for up to three weeks.

After Wednesday’s game Ferguson accused Bayern’s players of deliberately targeting Rooney and he was also angered by the way they had surrounded the Italian referee, Nicola Rizzoli, to demand that Rafael da Silva be sent off for a second bookable offence. United’s manager described them as “typical Germans” and the Bayern president, Uli Hoeness, condemned those comments yesterday.

“When we lost the Champions League against Manchester United in 1999 we lost like gentlemen,” Hoeness said. “We were good and fair losers and I think that’s what Manchester should do now. It’s an over-reaction on his part, maybe because he is disappointed to lose. Normally he is a fine gentleman but I think what he has said is not right.”

United’s title charge continues with a thumping win over Hull City.

United’s new Mexican striker can’t wait to pull on the red shirt.

On-loan Watford midfielder Tom Cleverley is set to miss the rest of the season with knee ligament damage.

After Manchester United’s defeats to Chelsea and Bayern Munich, Sir Alex Ferguson needs to spend big to bring further success to Old Trafford

Once again, Sir Alex Ferguson decided to adhere to what Leo Durocher, the old baseball coach, used to say about “show me a good loser and I’ll show you an idiot”. This time it was a Stan Boardman moment, deriding Bayern Munich as “typical Germans” for surrounding the referee to campaign for Rafael da Silva’s red card. Typical Ferguson, you could say. The habit of trying to influence, or deceive, match officials is practised in every country – even Ferguson’s beloved Scotland, judging by the way Darren Fletcher was flailing his arms at Mike Dean and beseeching him for a nonexistent penalty against Chelsea last Saturday.

By now, we have grown accustomed to this kind of response from Ferguson, whether it be questioning whether Italians can be trusted or calling the Dutch “arrogant”, as he did after a 3-1 defeat to PSV Eindhoven in 2000. The shock factor has diminished over the years, replaced by a knowing roll of the eyes from those who know him best. Nobody works the levers of the media better than Manchester United’s manager and, like a conjuror, these little outbursts can succeed in misdirecting his audience from the shortcomings of his own team. Those Germans: they bombed our chippie, you know.

What Ferguson did not want to consider on Wednesday night was the notion that his team had come up short. Bayern, he said, were “lucky”. In fact, he used that word half a dozen times and, in fairness, with a little justification on the basis that, 11 versus 11, United did look the more likely winners. It has been a galling week for the Premier League champions but there were mitigating circumstances, among them Wayne Rooney’s injury, and the lesson of history is that we should desist from the kind of knee-jerk reaction that had another newspaper’s website posing the question at 8am today “Has time got the better of Ferguson?“

The hair may not be so chestnut any more, the bags under his eyes seemed supersized on Wednesday and his voice was laced with unmistakeable sadness, but do not question his longevity. Bill Shankly left Anfield at the age of 60. Brian Clough relinquished his powers at Nottingham Forest at 58. Bob Paisley lasted until he was 64 and Sir Matt Busby closed his reign at Old Trafford when he was 62.

Time caught up with them all. Even Busby. On one coach journey, a sheet of paper was passed around United’s players showing a caricature of Busby, drawn with great skill and care in ink, depicting him with his nose as a penis and his cheeks as two testicles. The caption read “Bollocks Chops”. Eamon Dunphy, one of United’s players of the time, remembers it illustrating “the depths to which Busby’s stock had sunk among a faction in the club”. Can you seriously imagine the class of 2010 treating Ferguson with so little respect?

Even so, there are legitimate concerns for United supporters. One is Michael Carrick’s regression and his seemingly fixed inability to influence big matches. Rio Ferdinand is now 31 and troubled by recurrent back problems. Rafael da Silva has shown that, while talented, he is still very raw. Ryan Giggs, Paul Scholes and particularly Gary Neville are in decline. Edwin van der Sar will retire at the end of next season. And the replacements for this illustrious cast of thirtysomethings do not always inspire confidence.

The French winger Gabriel Obertan has vanished almost without trace since the 1-0 FA Cup defeat to Leeds United in January. Darron Gibson is a splendid striker of the ball but lacks the mobility and passing range of a really top midfielder. Ben Foster has endured a dreadful year. A £10m deal has been put in place for Fulham’s young central defender Chris Smalling but, since then, he has looked error-prone to say the least.

Then there is the issue of Dimitar Berbatov and the overwhelming sense that Wednesday demonstrated he has not worked. Berbatov was on the bench despite Rooney’s patent lack of fitness. After Rooney was withdrawn, with the team needing another goal, there were 25 minutes when Ferguson moved Nani, a winger, into the centre-forward’s role. Berbatov has now started only six out of 22 Champions League games since becoming United’s most expensive player at £30.75m from Tottenham Hotspur in the summer of 2008. He was introduced with 10 minutes to go.

Ferguson will deny it, of course, but even the most trusting disciple could be forgiven for wondering whether the manager can ever be believed again after the Peculiar Case of Wayne Rooney’s Right Ankle. Ferguson also denies that the ruling Glazer family have kept from him the £80m that United received from Real Madrid for Cristiano Ronaldo but, again, can we take his word for it?

This is the true problem for United: they need a better class of replacement for their older players and that will require their owners to flex some financial muscle. Everyone in football knows that is not going to happen.

After another exciting week of European action, Matt Scott, Paulo Bandini and Sean Ingle join James Richardson to shoot the breeze. And with no English teams in the Champion League semi-finals for the first time since 2003, there’s plenty to aim our verbal pistols at - including whether the Premier League is in decline, Bayern Munich’s sturm-und-drang comeback at Old Trafford and Sir Alex Ferguson’s tactics.

Sid Lowe waxes lyrical about Lionel Messi’s destruction of Arsenal and reveals how Real Madrid plan to stop him in the weekend’s classico. The pod also salute Lyon and Inter but do either side have enough to go all the way?

We also preview the FA Cup semi-final previews, salute Newcastle’s promotion and question Alan Pardew’s motivational skills. Once you’re finished with the podcast, check James’ European newspaper review here.

Please leave your comments on the blog below. We’re also on Facebook, Twitter, and iTunes, and there’s more occasional hilarity with our tea-timely email, The Fiver.

United to sign Mexican striker Javier Hernandez, subject to a work permit.

Manchester United have announced a deal with Chivas de Guadalajara to sign striker Javier Hernandez for an undisclosed fee subject to a work permit.


The 21-year-old, also known as Chicharito, has agreed personal terms and passed a medical. If his work permit is approved he will become a Reds player on July 1.

• Mexican striker to move to Old Trafford subject to work permit
• 21-year-old has impressive scoring record for club and country

Manchester United have announced a deal with Chivas de Guadalajara to sign the striker Javier Hernández for an undisclosed fee subject to a work permit.

The 21-year-old striker, also known as Chicharito or “Little Pea”, has an impressive scoring record in the Mexican league and has won caps for his country. Personal terms have been agreed and Hernández passed a medical in Manchester this week.

As part of the deal United will play a match to open Chivas’ new 45,000-capacity stadium in Guadalajara ahead of next season.

“I am delighted to reach agreement with Chivas to bring such an exciting young striker, who has been in such prolific form for both his club and his country,” said the United manager, Sir Alex Ferguson. “He will be a great addition to our squad and we look forward to welcoming our first Mexican player in the summer.

“We are equally excited to play our first game in Mexico, opening the magnificent new Chivas Stadium in July.”

Hernández has scored 11 goals in the Mexican Primera División this season, putting him joint-third in the scoring charts.

The United manager, Alex Ferguson, said: “I am delighted to reach agreement with Chivas to bring such an exciting young striker, who has been in such prolific form for both his club and his country.

“He will be a great addition to our squad and we look forward to welcoming our first Mexican player in the summer.

“We are equally excited to play our first game in Mexico, opening the magnificent new Chivas Stadium in July.”

Manchester United are to sign striker Javier Hernandez from Mexican side Chivas de Guadalajara for an undisclosed fee.

Find out more about the Mexican striker, also known as ‘Chicharito’.

Not even Wayne Rooney could prevent United from crashing out of the Champions League.



But the truth was that when they needed him most, the 34-goal striker was nowhere to be seen.

• Manager insists club made right decision to play Rooney
• ‘I never force the medical staff into anything’

Sir Alex Ferguson insists he did not put any pressure on the Manchester United medical staff to declare Wayne Rooney fit for last night’s Champions League loss to Bayern Munich.

After declaring Rooney had “no chance” of being involved barely 24 hours before the game, Ferguson named the England striker in his starting line-up for the quarter-final second leg.

• Kevin McCarra’s report: Man Utd 3-2 Bayern (agg: 4-4)
• Paul Hayward: United seal English retreat from Europe
• German press reaction: “Bayern to write history”
• David Pleat’s tactical analysis of last night’s game
• In pictures: All the best images from Old Trafford

Ferguson confirmed the decision had only been taken following consultation with his medical team and Rooney, who all agreed the risk to the ankle he damaged during the first leg in Munich a week previously was minimal.

As it turned out, Rooney went over on the same ankle in the first half and was clearly struggling before Ferguson substituted him with over half an hour remaining following the dismissal of Rafael.

Ferguson is confident the 24-year-old will be fit for the Manchester derby at Eastlands on 17 April, although he is unlikely to make Sunday’s trip to Blackburn.

That assessment should at least ease the concerns of the England manager, Fabio Capello, who was at Old Trafford last night, with Ferguson adamant the correct procedures had been followed.

“I never force the medical staff into anything,” said Ferguson. “Their job is difficult. It is important they make the right decisions about players’ fitness. They made the right decision. The medical staff did not see any problem.”

Although Rooney did not add to his 34 goals, he was a central figure in United’s flying start, that seemed certain to secure a semi-final berth. His presence alone galvanised the Old Trafford crowd, which Ferguson also recognised as he went through his starting line-up.

“Wayne was keen to have a go and it did have an impact on the crowd,” said the United manager. “It gave them all a lift.”

Ferguson, though, is confident that the club can bounce back from their European exit. “Three disappointing results in a row isn’t something we’re used to, but it’s happened and we’ve had to face this many times before,” Ferguson told MUTV. “[Bouncing back] is in the nature of our club and is part of our history. We’ve got five league games to go and we need to win them, starting at Blackburn on Sunday.”

Sir Alex is confident his team will bounce back from a disappointing week.

• ‘At 3-0, I would not have bet even a cent on Bayern’
• Louis van Gaal praises ‘incredible’ second half

Bayern Munich’s honorary president, Franz Beckenbauer, spoke of “one of the most beautiful defeats in the club’s history” after his side qualified for the semi-finals of the Champions League despite going down 3-2 to Manchester United last night.

Arjen Robben’s volley 16 minutes from the end secured Bayern’s passage after United had raced into a 3-0 lead on the night. Ivica Olic brought Bayern back into contention in the 43rd minute and their cause was aided by the United defender Rafael’s dismissal for a second bookable offence five minutes into the second half.

“We were asleep at the start and Man U were superior in every aspect,” said Beckenbauer. “At 3-0, I would not have bet even a cent on Bayern. But they turned it around magnificently.

• Kevin McCarra’s report: Man Utd 3-2 Bayern (agg: 4-4)
• Paul Hayward: United seal English retreat from Europe
• German press reaction: “Bayern to write history”
• David Pleat’s tactical analysis of last night’s game
• In pictures: All the best images from Old Trafford

“Two moments were decisive: the goal for 3-1 from Olic just before the break and then Rafael’s red card. Bayern then played with composure, let the ball roll and Robben then scored a dream goal. It was one of the most beautiful defeats in Bayern Munich’s history.”

It was Bayern’s first defeat at Old Trafford after two draws and a win, and the club chairman, Karl-Heinz Rummenigge, added: “That is the first time we have lost in Manchester, but it is a loss we are happy to accept.”

It was not the only defeat for Rummenigge last night, as the Bayern president, Uli Hoeness, explained. The pair had made a bet before the game on whether Wayne Rooney would play, despite the striker seemingly being ruled out due to injury on the eve of the match.

“Karl-Heinz Rummenigge has got to pay for a dinner with 10 guests,” said Hoeness. “We had a bet and I said that he would play.”

Unlike Beckenbauer, Hoeness always fancied his side’s chances, even after United’s impressive opening. “In the stands, we never had the feeling that it would go down the pan,” he said. “That is a magnificent thing. We played cleverly and just waited for our chance to arrive. What really distinguishes the team and the coach is that they always believe in themselves.”

The Bayern coach, Louis van Gaal, was delighted with his side’s fighting spirit. “I am obviously proud,” he said. “Given that we were 3-0 down, it is incredible what we achieved in the second half. We played like a big team. Robben’s goal was unbelievable.”

Bayern’s focus now turns to reaching the final for the first time since winning the trophy on a penalty shoot-out against Valencia at San Siro in 2001.

“It would be fantastic to go one more round,” said the midfielder Bastian Schweinsteiger. “We made a pact in the interval that we would go out and play like men. The red card also helped us. Manchester have a great stadium with great fans who spur them on. But we held our own against them.”

Watch 13 minutes of highlights and four post-match interviews on your PC.

Alex Ferguson, Louis van Gaal and Edwin van der Sar on Manchester United’s Champions League exit and the red card that changed the game

Bayern’s victorious boss defends his players after criticism from Sir Alex.

Stunned Manchester United are ready to get their campaign back on track against Blackburn Rovers at Ewood Park on Sunday.


The Reds are reeling from their Premier League title setback against Chelsea and the European Cup quarter final KO against Bayern Munich.

• Bild hails ‘miracle Munich’ after victory over Manchester United
• ‘After this herculean effort now everything seems possible’

The German press hailed the impact of Arjen Robben after his late goal for Bayern Munich knocked Manchester United out of the Champions League last night.

The Dutch winger scored the decisive away goal at Old Trafford, volleying home Franck Ribéry’s corner in the second half. “Robben, we love you!” gushed the tabloid De Bild, while Spiegel went for: “Robben shoots out Manchester.

“He is the man for the special moments at Bayern this season. So who would have scored this goal if not Arjen Robben?”

De Bild hailed “miracle Munich”, just as they did after the comeback victory in the first leg. “This Bayern are on the way to write history,” says the tabloid. “Bayern, now go and win the cup! It would be important for German football.”

“Swimming lesson, dream goal – semi-finals!” was the headline in Süddeutsche Zeitung, a reference to the way in which the Munich defence came close to sinking with United 3-0 up before half-time. “After this herculean effort now everything seems possible in the semi-final against Olympique Lyon.”

Sir Alex Ferguson’s gamble with Wayne Rooney was also prominently noted. “The medical department of the Bavarians had mobilized all its forces for the big game,” said Süddeutsche Zeitung. “Arjen Robben (calf) and central defender Daniel van Buyten (knee) were on the teamsheet, as hoped. As feared by many people in Munich, the strategy of the opposing coach did too, with – abracadabra – Wayne Rooney in the starting XI.”

Edwin van der Sar felt United were worthy of a semi-final spot.

Sir Alex Ferguson insists Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney did not seriously aggravate his ankle injury against Bayern Munich on Wednesday.

• Manager says Bayern targeted Wayne Rooney’s ankle
• Van Gaal calls complaints unfair and Rafael unprofessional

Sir Alex Ferguson responded to Manchester United’s elimination from the Champions League last night by accusing Bayern Munich’s players of resorting to underhand tactics, branding them “typical Germans” for what he saw as deliberate attempts to injure Wayne Rooney and persuade the referee, Nicola Rizzoli, to send off Rafael da Silva.

Bayern’s victory on away goals, after Arjen Robben’s volley saw a pulsating and ultimately rancorous quarter-final finish 4-4 on aggregrate, means there will be no English club in the Champions League semi-finals for the first time in seven years and Ferguson was incensed about the manner in which his team were removed from the competition, despite winning 3-2 on the night. The United manager reported that Rooney would miss Sunday’s Premier League match at Blackburn Rovers after taking several kicks to his injured right ankle but most of his ire was reserved for the way the Bayern players had urged the Italian referee to show Rafael a second yellow card after his 50th-minute pull at Franck Ribéry’s arm.

“They got him sent off,” he said. “There’s no doubt about that and they would have never won if we had 11 men. He [Rafael] is a young boy, inexperienced and there’s a bit of immaturity about what happened but they got him sent off. Typical Germans.

• Kevin McCarra’s report: Man Utd 3-2 Bayern (agg: 4-4)
• Paul Hayward: United seal English retreat from Europe
• German press reaction: “Bayern to write history”
• David Pleat’s tactical analysis of last night’s game
• In pictures: All the best images from Old Trafford

“That sending off changed the game. I thought they were typical professionals in the way they saw the opportunity and forced the referee. It was only a slight tug at the boy and, Jesus, he was 35 yards from goal.

“He [Rafael] was having a marvellous game and it’s a tragedy for him but the ref wasn’t going to do anything until they forced him to get a card out. But we’ve seen that before from teams like that.”

Rooney, who had been ruled out for up to three weeks in a classic piece of Ferguson misinformation last Friday, lasted only 55 minutes of a match in which Ferguson felt Bayern’s players were deliberately targeting the England striker.

“I think that’s obvious,” he said. “I don’t think there was anything serious, but there were a couple of challenges. We expected that, and the referee should have handled it.” Ferguson went on to describe Bayern as “lucky”, asserting that United had been the better team over the two legs.

“I don’t think the best team got through,” the manager said. “They got a deflected free-kick [in the first leg] and a goal in injury-time, so you have to say they carried their luck. We have had occasions when we have had luck and I think they have this time. It’s hard to digest. In one way we could say we have thrown it away; in another we’ve been very unlucky.”

His comments drew a terse response from the Bayern coach, Louis van Gaal. “I don’t share his opinion,” the Dutchman said, referring to Rafael’s red card. “Every player must know that, if he picks up a yellow card, a second means a sending-off.

“I’m certainly happy my players knew that and that those who were booked carried on professionally. I believe it was a yellow-card offence [from Rafael] and that the player made the foul.”

Van Gaal heard that Ferguson had said Bayern would not have won but for the red card. “It’s easy to say that after a loss,” he said. “But we shall never know that because this game shall not be played again. I think Sir Alex was disappointed. But I also thought England was noted for fairness and I’ve now been confronted with three different comments [from Ferguson] and that’s not what I call fair play.”

Manchester United were dealt a red card that sunk Sir Alex Ferguson’s Old Trafford gamble against Bayern Munich

English football completed its Champions League retreat last night as Manchester United surrendered a 3-0 lead to be knocked out by Bayern Munich 24 hours after the Lionel Messi show turned Arsenal into awed spectators at their own demise in Barcelona.

The Premier League’s hold on Europe is broken. For the first time since 2003 no name from England’s top-four cartel will feature in the semi-finals of club football’s grandest competition. José Mourinho, once of Chelsea, will be there with Internazionale to test his tactical wit against Messi’s brilliance, and another former Stamford Bridge employee, Arjen Robben, can plan for a tie against Lyon after his piercing volley sent Bayern through. The German club’s 3-2 defeat here eliminated United on away goals after a 4-4 aggregate draw.

England’s flame has burned down low in a competition the Premier League has come to dominate. The last five finals have been shared by the mini-league within our top division: Liverpool in 2005 and 2007, Arsenal in 2006 and United in each of the last two showdowns, against Chelsea (2008) and Barcelona last year.

One more win for an English club in Madrid in May would have lifted the self-basting “Prem” level with Spain on 12 wins and one ahead of Italy on 11. After five years of debt-fuelled ostentation, though, Liverpool were dumped into the Europa League after the group stage, Chelsea bounced off a hyper-motivated Inter in the second round and Arsenal were eviscerated by Messi on Tuesday night.

To talk of regression might be to fall into the trap of lumping results together rather than considering each let-down on its merits but the least that can be said is that Liverpool are in reverse, Chelsea were no match for Mourinho, Arsenal look effete against elite opposition and United have endured the eight-day hell of a Champions League exit and a 2-1 home defeat by Chelsea from which Carlo Ancelotti’s men emerged as favourites for the domestic title. By bed-time Fulham could be England’s last survivors on the continent.

Risk-averse was never a label likely to affix itself to Sir Alex Ferguson. Had the gambler’s urge been surgically removed from him in a Govan hospital, then his managerial career might have petered out in Scotland. Old Trafford was never a monument to conservatism either and the heir to the Matt Busby attacking tradition has always responded to adversity with calculated boldness.

Three minutes into this supercharged Anglo-German end-game Ferguson backed three winners in one go. Rafael, who had replaced Gary Neville, turned Franck Ribéry and whipped a pass to Wayne Rooney, he of the supposedly messed-up ankle, who then turned the ball to Darron Gibson – who had been chosen ahead of Paul Scholes – to pummel a shot past Hans-Jorg Butt and set Old Trafford aglow.

Less than four minutes later Ferguson’s four-timer paid out at the betting window. Antonio Valencia, who had been left out for the first-leg defeat in Munich, twisted the blood of the German left-back Holger Badstuber, who observed the United winger so long he really ought to have bought a ticket, before curling a flat cross for Nani to back-heel United’s second. Rooney played a part in this one, too, spraying the pass which Valencia used to torture Badstuber.

In the defeat in Bavaria and Chelsea’s win here on Saturday (United’s first back-to-back defeats for more than a year) Ferguson heard an approaching siren and reacted with wholesale change to a stalled side. Out went the increasingly floaty and ineffectual Park Ji-sung while Neville was spared the anguish of having to deal with Ribéry for a second time in eight days. Valencia was restored to the right flank to haunt Badstuber, whose dire performance was reminiscent of the Tony Hibbert-Florent Malouda mismatch in last season’s Everton-Chelsea FA Cup final.

Yet Rooney’s return so soon after he had hobbled out of Bavaria on crutches and been given a two- to three-week sick note was the biggest punt. By teatime here Ferguson had been sufficiently reassured by his medical staff to draft Rooney not just on to the bench but straight back into the starting XI.

As the dice rolled across the green baize of United’s home, Dimitar Berbatov felt the cold finger of rejection. Sentimentality ends at the point where seasons threaten to collapse and Ferguson was vindicated by Rooney’s energetic first-half display and by his inspirational effect on the team for 54 minutes before Rafael’s dismissal for a second yellow card brought John O’Shea on to the field in place of the England striker, who will probably now miss Sunday’s trip to Blackburn.

By then, though, Bayern had responded to United’s three-goal onslaught with one from Ivica Olic and United were to concede again to Robben. Ferguson’s winning streak ran out with Rafael. Impetuous in the contact areas and seemingly oblivious to the reality that picking up a yellow card necessitates caution for the rest of the match, Rafael took a tug at Ribéry and exposed himself and his team to calamity.

“It [the Premier League] is still the best league in Europe,” Ferguson said. “You don’t always get what you want.” Drop the curtain. This show will be back next year.

The home side tried to hang on their two-goal lead, rather than add to it, and handed Bayern territorial advantage

All Manchester United’s problems came in a short period after half-time. The gamble to play Rooney failed, Rafael was dismissed and Bayern Munich gained conviction as a result. The home side had to tell themselves they could sneak another goal at 3-1 despite being down to 10 men, yet they retreated into their shells, clicked into defensive mode and were steadily worn down.

In fairness, it is never easy to play with a man short when the opposition use the width of the field so well. Bayern stretched United expertly from flank to flank (see diagram): Robben came in-field, playing backward of square, with the ball then ferried out wide via those in the centre to Ribéry who was hugging the opposite touchline. United were forced back and, with only one front outlet, could never regain grip or momentum. One could feel the agony building as, for 40 minutes, United adopted a backs-to-the-wall mentality knowing there was always a chance they could get stung. Unfortunately that is precisely what happened.

Responding to a sending-off is every manager’s dilemma. We’ve all faced it and, so often, the instinct is to cling on – particularly if a lead has already been established. United were 3-1 up and, at that stage, through to the semi-finals, so their adoption of a 4-4-1, conceding territorial possession, was completely understandable. I have done just that many times in the past and most teams would have done similarly.

Yet, with the considerable benefit of hindsight, could they not have taken a gamble and gone three at the back, three in midfield and three up front, or even reverted to a 4-2-3, in the hope that a decisive fourth goal could be scored? The more direct, chasing game that would have involved – by-passing midfield where they would have potentially been left weakest – is not in United’s tradition. But it would have served to keep Bayern wary of the home side’s power on the break.

Similarly they could have kept their shape at the back with a four, played three narrow in midfield and left two runners with energy up front to give them an alternative outlet. That seems more plausible. Nani, his confidence already high, and perhaps the substitute Giggs might have frightened Bayern a little in that scenario because having two players up front holds the focus of an opposing back four.

Instead Van Buyten was an untroubled centre-half confronted only by Nani and was able to wander forward (as in the diagram) to join in as Bayern enjoyed unrivalled possession. Badstuber, so unnerved early on, was no longer troubled by Valencia’s pace with the Ecuadorean transformed from attacking instigator to midfield worker. On the opposite flank Lahm was able to come forward and support Robben, helping to create the space for the Dutchman to exploit against Evra. The former Chelsea winger’s stunning volley ultimately settled the tie but it felt as if Bayern’s goal had always been coming: the Germans were patient, retained the ball with ease and United were powerless to stop them.

• Commander wants to explain tactics during Chelsea defeat
• Officers occupied Stretford End 20 minutes before final whistle

The police commander for Manchester United matches has called for a meeting with fans to explain the unusuallyrobust policing tactics during the Premier League champions’ 2-1 defeat to Chelsea last Saturday. Chief superintendent Mark Roberts issued a statement through Digger to explain that he had taken legal advice before deploying his officers to accompany the stewards, who occupied the aisles in the Stretford End 20 minutes before the final whistle.

That move angered a section of the United fans, who interpreted it as Greater Manchester Police siding with the club to prevent them unfurling banners in protest against the Glazers. But Roberts said: “I would welcome a conversation with the fans engaged in the protests to reassure all parties that the police remain impartial, that we are not and never will be agents for any interest, but that we will deal with any disorder or allegations in an even-handed manner.

“Additional police resources were deployed at the Chelsea game as a contingency to deal with any confrontation between club officials and supporters. Before agreeing to the deployment, [I sought] advice from the force solicitor.”

Roberts conceded that dealing with fans would ordinarily be a matter for stewards but that he sent in his officers because in past weeks stewards had been attacked while trying to clear the aisles of protesting fans. Roberts stressed that his officers have received public-order training and were directed to step in if stewards’ actions were deemed heavy-handed. He added: “The officers were to intervene if they witnessed disorder, intimidation or abuse directed at the stewards and it was made clear to the club that the officers would also act if they witnessed inappropriate behaviour by club officials towards fans.”

Clarke’s feisty first day

Greg Clarke will be thrown into the thick of it when he formally takes up his position as the Football League chairman today. In his first day in post at Gloucester Place, Clarke will chair the league board meeting, at which directors must grasp the nettle of Notts County’s breach of the salary-cap regulations. At a meeting of all league clubs in Walsall a fortnight ago there was widespread anger about the Magpies’ possible promotion from League Two with an illegal wage bill. Currently, breaches are dealt with through the application of a transfer ban – which has clearly been an ineffective instrument for the Meadow Lane club. The matter has been referred to the board for discussion today, with directors mandated to come up with ways of strengthening the rules to ensure better deterrents to clubs in future. Indeed, in his farewell letter issued to clubs yesterday Lord Mawhinney urged them to strengthen their financial rules in other areas, calling for a ban on director loans in favour of equity-based gifts. A thoroughly sensible measure that would be – however the ideas are the easy bit: Clarke may find it altogether harder to push it through a vote of the clubs.

Shankly’s family values

From the Spirit of Shankly to his flesh and blood. Karen Gill, the granddaughter of the man who created Liverpool’s boot room, pictured, has joined the campaign to persuade the Royal Bank of Scotland to withdraw its financial support for Tom Hicks and George Gillett’s ownership of the club. Her message, which has been sent to the bank’s chief executive, Stephen Hester, along with hundreds of other emails from a group called the Kop Faithful, announces her desire to “force the American owners out”. She adds: “I call upon Hester to stop the renewal of crippling loans and urge Gillett and Hicks to sell the club with immediate effect to more suitable custodians.”

Hill hedges its bets

William Hill has become the first commercial organisation to attempt to capitalise on the changing tides among Manchester United fans. During the bookie’s television advert for its “I Will” marketing campaign – which was broadcast around United’s Champions League fixture last night – the camera focuses on a fan wearing a distinctive green-and-gold scarf. The voiceover says: “Show your true colours.” Hill says the campaign was designed to reflect fans’ rituals while being topical, but stressed that alighting on the anti-Glazer symbol was not meant to be an attack on the Old Trafford regime. And this despite Betfair being Manchester United’s official betting partner and Hills having its head office in Leeds.

matt.scott@guardian. co.uk

Man Utd boss Sir Alex Ferguson is angry about the behaviour of Bayern Munich’s players as his side crash out of the Champions League.

Nani admits United’s players are dejected after crashing out of Europe.

• Manager felt Bayern players influenced referee’s decision
• ‘They got him sent off … typical Germans’

Sir Alex Ferguson slammed the behaviour of the Bayern Munich players for their part in Rafael da Silva’s red card during Manchester United’s Champions League exit at the hands of the German side.

Several Bayern players seemed to gather around the referee, Nicola Rizzoli, after Rafael appeared to pull back Franck Ribéry and the Manchester United manager, described their behaviour as being that of “typical Germans”.

The Italian official subsequently showed United’s Brazilian full-back his second yellow card and United were forced to play the final 40 minutes with 10 men.

“There is no doubt about it,” Ferguson told ITV when asked if the dismissal had changed the course of the game. “They were never getting through that tie; with 11 men we had no problem. The young boy showed a bit of inexperience but they got him sent off. Everyone sprinted towards the referee – typical Germans.”

The Scot also believed United had been the better side across the two legs. “We played better today than they did in their own ground. Without the extra man they made the ball work and I thought we defended very well. It’s taken an exceptional strike to settle the tie. We have done well, the performance was excellent, we were very unlucky.”

Ferguson’s gamble on starting Wayne Rooney appeared to backfire when he was withdrawn after 55 minutes, the same time as Rafael’s dismissal, but Ferguson denied that playing had worsened his ankle problem. “I don’t think it is serious. It’s just that tissue and the blood vessel has just burst. I am sure he’ll be fine for the following week.”

Wayne needs more treatment - but should be fit to face Manchester City.

Gibson insists Reds won’t let the Bayern defeat ruin their title charge.

Ferguson’s high-risk strategy against Bayern Munich leaves Manchester United lost in Europe

Risk-averse was never a label likely to affix itself to Sir Alex Ferguson. Had the gambler’s urge been surgically removed from him in a Govan hospital, then his managerial career might have petered out north of the border. Old Trafford was never a monument to conservatism either and the heir to the Matt Busby attacking tradition has always responded to adversity with calculated boldness.

Three minutes into this supercharged Anglo-German end-game Ferguson backed three winners in one go. Rafael Da Silva, who had replaced Gary Neville, turned Bayern Munich’s Franck Ribéry and whipped a pass to Wayne Rooney, he of the supposedly messed up ankle, who then turned the ball to Darron Gibson – who had been chosen ahead of Paul Scholes – to pummel a shot past Hans-Jorg Butt and set Old Trafford aglow.

Less than four minutes later Ferguson’s four-timer paid out at the betting window. Antonio Valencia, who had been left out for the first-leg defeat in Munich, twisted the blood of the German left‑back Holger Badstuber, who observed the United winger so long he really ought to have purchased a ticket, before curling a flat cross for Nani to back-heel United’s second. Rooney played a part in this one, too, spraying the pass which Valencia used to torture Badstuber.

In the defeat in Bavaria and Chelsea’s 2-1 win here on Saturday (United’s first back-to-back defeats for more than a year) Ferguson heard an approaching siren and reacted with wholesale change to a stalled team. Out went the increasingly floaty and ineffectual Park Ji-sung while Neville was spared the anguish of having to deal with Ribéry for a second time in eight days. Valencia, who had to wait 70 minutes for his chance in Munich, was restored to the right flank to haunt Badstuber, whose performance was reminiscent of the Tony Hibbert-Florent Malouda mismatch in last season’s Everton-Chelsea FA Cup final.

Yet Rooney’s return so soon after he had hobbled out of Bavaria on crutches and been given a two- to three-week sick note was the most startling expression of the Fergusonian principle. “You can’t take a risk with a player who is not 100%,” the manager said on the eve of battle. But by tea-time here Ferguson had been sufficiently reassured by his medical staff not just to draft Rooney on to the bench but straight back into the starting XI.

As the dice rolled across the green baize of United’s home, Dimitar Berbatov must have felt the cold dawn of rejection. Sentimentality ends at the point where seasons threaten to collapse and Ferguson was vindicated by Rooney’s energetic first-half display and by his inspirational effect on the team for 54 minutes before Rafael’s dismissal for a second yellow card brought John O’Shea on to the field in the England striker’s place. By then, though, Bayern had responded to United’s three‑goal onslaught with a goal by Ivica Olic and United were soon to concede again, to Arjen Robben.

“Faint heart never won fair lady,” Ferguson pointed out before last year’s semi-final against Arsenal and this was his mind-set against the Bundesliga’s biggest name. After the pre-game handshakes came a low-slung sprint by Rooney from one side of the pitch to the other as United supporters on the far side rose to acclaim their Lazarus. Within 20 minutes he was hobbling but a thumbs-up to the bench assuaged the fear that he might have exacerbated his ankle ligament strain. The first Bayern hack at the Rooney foot was delivered by Daniel van Buyten and sent United’s manager spinning into the coaching zone to protest.

Another context to Ferguson’s emphatic reordering of his side was that England’s flame was burning low in a competition the Premier League has come to dominate. Not since 2003 had an English side failed to reach the semi-final stage and the last five finals have featured members of the top four cartel: Liverpool in 2005 and 2007, Arsenal in 2006 and United in each of the last two, against Chelsea (2008) and Barcelona last year.

One more win for an English club will bring our national game level with Spain on 12 wins (Real Madrid nine, Barcelona three) and ahead of Italy on 11 (Milan seven, Juventus two, Internazionale two), though those figures may change next month in Madrid.

After five years of debt-fuelled ostentation by England’s best, Liverpool were dumped in the Europa League after the group stage, Chelsea bounced off a hyper-motivated Inter in the second round and Arsenal were eviscerated by Lionel Messi on Tuesday night. To talk of regression might be to fall into the trap of lumping evidence together rather than considering each exit in isolation, but the least we can say is that Liverpool have gone backwards, Chelsea were no match for José Mourinho and Arsenal look effete against the very best opposition.

So it fell to United to surmount another worrying statistic. Only once had they overcome a quarter-final first-leg defeat – here, in 2007, when they reversed a 2-1 defeat in Italy to thump Roma 7-1. On all five other occasions the first-leg defeat prefigured the journey’s end. That curse has struck again.

Find out how we rated the Manchester United players for their performance in the 3-2 Champions League win over Bayern Munich at Old Trafford. United exited the competition on the away goals rule after a 4-4 aggregate score.

Sir Alex Ferguson angrily accused Bayern Munich’s players of getting Manchester United defender Rafael sent off as his side crashed to a Champions League quarter-final defeat.


Despite beating the German giants 3-2, United went out on away goals, with Ferguson convinced the dismissal of Rafael for his second bookable offence shortly after the break was the pivotal moment.

Anguish is the hallmark of this fixture and it was Manchester United’s turn to suffer tonight. Their disbelief will be as intense as the disappointment since they had gambolled into a 3-0 lead that put them 4-2 in front on aggregate. No one then anticipated their elimination from the Champions League on the away goals rule. There is no argument over the origin of this dismay: the match was transformed by a red card for Rafael da Silva.

He had already been cautioned when he tugged back Franck Ribéry in the 50th minute. The Italian referee, Nicola Rizzoli, although tentative, acted as expected in showing a second yellow card. Rafael’s first booking had stemmed from a needless kick at Mark van Bommel. Some will query the inclusion of a headstrong 19-year-old.

Such criticism would be unreasonable. Following the 2-1 defeat in Munich and Chelsea’s victory at this ground in the Premier League an injection of youthful energy was essential. The scheme can be deemed to have worked very well – so long as you avert your gaze from the outcome.

United scored twice in the first eight minutes. Not even the visitors would have been convinced then that England would be left without a representative in the Champions League semi-finals for the first time since 2003. There was a great deal that slowly went wrong for Sir Alex Ferguson’s men, until their position was beyond recovery.

The manager took a chance in selecting Wayne Rooney, whose ankle ligament damage in Munich had seemed severe, but the decision might have been vindicated. His appearance enlivened the atmosphere and surely assisted in adding verve to the team’s early work. Gradually, though, misgivings took shape. The forward hurt the ankle again but insisted on continuing. This led to a disturbing suggestion by Ferguson at the interval that Bayern were targeting Rooney’s weak spot. He was withdrawn in the 55th minute. Following the match, however, the United manager was loth to expand on the allegation. There was no point in allowing himself and his club to be depicted as bad losers.

There are elements to be salvaged from an occasion that feels baffling in view of those three United goals. The side truly was reinvigorated, as it must be if Chelsea are to be overhauled in the Premier League. In this game a man with Stamford Bridge associations did severe harm. Arjen Robben, once so prized there, may have been unmarked when Ribéry’s corner fell to him in the 73rd minute but his volley from the edge of the penalty area was glorious.

By then United had only survival in mind. After Rafael’s expulsion it had been a defender, John O’Shea, who was introduced in place of Rooney. If United did not cope or at least show the pugnacity that has served them well in former crises, it may have been because they could scarcely accept their unlikely predicament.

By the eighth minute they had scored twice for a 3-2 lead on aggregate. Those goals came effortlessly yet much thought had gone into the shaping of this line-up and the emphasis was on freshness, with the veterans Ryan Giggs and Paul Scholes placed among the substitutes.

The opening reflected the excitement of a new approach. After three minutes Rafael knocked the ball in from the right and Rooney laid it off to set up Darron Gibson for the first European goal of his career. He should have been denied but the Bayern goalkeeper, Hans-Jorg Butt, was slow to react as the attempt went past him on his left.

The next goal was much more stylish. Antonio Valencia beat the left-back Holger Badstuber and his cut-back was flicked into the net by Nani with the inside of his foot. United were sweeping the play to the visitors with the vibrancy of Nani and Valencia on the wings.

Most people would have expected Bayern to be down-hearted and there was an ecstatic complacency in the ground, if not the team, when Valencia’s deep cross was lashed past Butt by Nani, on the volley in the 43rd minute. That 3-0 lead was to spread unwise relaxation.

Two minutes later a lethargic Michael Carrick did almost nothing to prevent Ivica Olic, the scorer of the winning goal in Munich, from trimming United’s lead. Almost immediately the United goalkeeper, Edwin van der Sar, did well to reach a curler from Robben that would have put Bayern ahead on away goals.

Once more there was memorable mayhem and surprise in a meeting of these clubs, although the suffering was great for United. When their full complement of footballers were at work, they could have taken heart from the performance. Now there is a test and an opportunity at Blackburn on Sunday, on a weekend when Chelsea have to divert their attention to an FA Cup semi-final. Still there is work to be done before Ferguson’s disconsolate players can be excited by that minor opportunity.

The boss rues Rafael’s dismissal as the Reds bow out of Europe.

Arjen Robben’s stunning second-half volley knocked Manchester United out of the Champions League as Bayern Munich gained revenge for 1999.

Darron Gibson and Nani (two) put the Reds 3-0 up but Ivica Olic pulled a goal back before Rafael was sent off. Robben then struck to send Bayern through on away goals.

United exit the Champions League after an agonising away-goals defeat to Bayern.

Tom Jenkins captures the action at Old Trafford as Manchester United play Bayern Munich in the second leg of their Champions League semi-final

Wayne Rooney was sensationally named in Manchester United’s starting line-up to face Bayern Munich in the Champions League quarter-finals at Old Trafford tonight.


Rooney’s fitness has been the subject of intense speculation ever since he limped off with an ankle injury in the final minute of last week’s 2-1 first-leg defeat at the Allianz Arena.

This has got the stale whiff of After The Lord Mayor’s Show about it, hasn’t it? Processions like the one Lionel ‘Hambone’ Messi led last night aren’t held too often, even in top-flight football, so by comparison this affair - a tussle between two sides that, let’s pop the Trenchant Titfer on, simply aren’t that good - doesn’t really get the juices flowing in the same way.

And there’s no point disputing the fact. It just doesn’t. It’s unfortunate timing, but there you go.

6.35pm: BREAKING YAWN. Wayne Rooney is starting. It’s not even a surprise, is it?

Kick off: 7.45pm.

Here’s a question: has Louis van Gaal outwitted Sir Alex Ferguson in a game of Mind Games Game? “I don’t think he will play Rooney,” he loudly trumpeted yesterday. “I don’t think Ferguson will do that.” Hm. So, what are the chances the Bayern Munich coach has coerced his Manchester United counterpart into gambling with a player who’s not fully fit? If Rooney breaks down, and misses the World Cup as a result of being rushed back into action, I’ll not be buying a newspaper for the next two and a half months.

On the other hand, if Rooney scores a hambone… we’ll never hear the end of that either. My poor newsagent!

Manchester United: Van der Sar, Rafael Da Silva, Ferdinand, Vidic, Evra, Fletcher, Carrick, Gibson, Valencia, Rooney, Nani.
Subs: Kuszczak, Berbatov, Giggs, Scholes, O’Shea, Jonathan Evans, Macheda.

Bayern Munich: Butt, Lahm, Van Buyten, Demichelis, Badstuber, Robben, Van Bommel, Schweinsteiger, Ribery, Olic, Muller.
Subs: Rensing, Altintop, Klose, Pranjic, Contento, Gomez, Tymoschuk.

Referee: Nicola Rizzoli (who hails from… well, if he served Ferguson pasta, the United manager would check under the sauce to make sure. But where’s the need to check under sauce? Surely you can see the pasta. How thick is this sauce?)

Mild Amusement Corner: “Has Rooney been sitting with his foot in a bucket of the horse placenta since last Wednesday?” asks Justin Kavanagh. “Or was that just the usual whiff of horseshi[PREDICTABLE JOKE COMPROMISED BY CENSORSHIP] wafting from Lord Ferg’s office all week?”

Any old excuse to reprint the word HAMBONE: “Being a Man City fan,” begins James Evans, losing 80% of our audience from the off, “and a fully paid-up Bitter Blue, I’d normally be screaming for United to lose tonight. But it seems to matter less, as if last night transcended mere rivalries. Either that or I’d rather see Messi nutmegging G-Nev before completing his hambone in the final.”

First Messi, then Hambone, now Bloke Who Cleans The Windows, you lot just can’t last night go. “Did the Emirates bloke put on a top hat and tails and start cleaning carriage windows?” wonders Neale Redington. “He probably needs to moonlight, now that Arsenal has an empty future.” This is satire, or what passes for it in this post-TW3 climate.

Are you sure you should be encouraging this? Still, I surely wouldn’t be the only person prepared to pay ready money to see Messi perform this after scoring a last-minute winner in the Champions League final. Or perhaps in the semi, in front of the Inter bench? Who’d be sitting in that again?

Speaking of hambones, which of course we/I were/was: “This is the authentic hambone celebration,” insists Eugene Pooley.

Wayne Rooney, a delicate vessel carrying so many hopes and dreams. “OK, so it seems a hambone is four strikes in ten-pin bowling,” works out Steven House, using up all the appendages above his knees plus three toes, “but it used to be two strikes. And a turkey is three. Got that straight then. Maybe Rooney will score a turkey tonight.” Yet for some, a turkey is not enough. “We need to get cracking on a name for the five goals Rooney is going to put past Bayern in the opening 11 minutes of the game,” insists Gadi Abraham. A pipedream?

The teams are out. To a wild whirl of noise, Wayne Rooney and ten supporting actors take the Old Trafford pitch in their trademark red shirts with not-so-trademark black chevrons, while Bayern Munich waltz on in black tops. “As Bloke Who Cleans The Windows did not get cuptied playing for Arsenal last night,” wonders Spencer Jones, “do you think he might come on ahead of Berbatov?”

And we’re off! A quiet couple of minutes to start, United content to pass it around a lot at the back. Bayern have barely touched the thing yet. “Never mind all the fuss about Wayne, what about Gary Neville?” splutters Bill Muskett. “He’s not even on the bench. How will they cope without his speed against Ribery?”

3 min: WHAT A START!!! Manchester United 1-0 Bayern Munich (agg 2-2). Darren Gibson was picked for his ability to shoot from distance, so what about this! Rafael walks down the right, dinks the ball inside to Rooney, who shuttles it on to Gibson, level with the right-hand post, just outside the area. Gibson takes the bouncing ball first time, and hammers a clever shot around Demichelis and into the bottom right corner. Butt should have done better, but that was super stuff.

5 min: United win a corner on the left. It’s swung into the near post, Butt punching clear, albeit not particularly convincingly. This is a typically storming start from United.

7 min: LEE SHARPE? WHO? Manchester United 2-0 Bayern Munich (agg 3-2). This is a stunning goal. Valencia, down the right, teases Badstuber dreadfully, then passes a cross into the six-yard box. Nani executes a delicious Sharpe-against-Barcelona backflick, the ball nestling in the bottom-left corner, Butt with no hope of getting to the ball. That is immense.

9 min: Bayern look totally shellshocked, and no bloody wonder. Robben’s mood isn’t helped by Evra coming straight through the back of his ankles down the right wing.

11 min: Ribery loses the ball down the right to Valencia. Soon enough Rooney’s haring towards the box with murderous intent, but instead of shooting he lays the ball wide right to Gibson, who miscontrols; it’s a goal kick. This is all United, though, but you only had to look at the scoreline to ascertain that. “Is that Ribery in the hambone youtube clip?” asks Paul Supple. “Or Neville? I really can’t tell the three apart.”

12 min: Butt’s clearance, from the left-hand corner of his own area, only reaches Carrick, about five yards upfield. The United midfielder drags his low shot wide right. Bayern are a nervous shambles, and risible to boot.

14 min: Bayern pass it around the centre of the park for a while, but they still end the passage of play chasing back, as Rooney makes a couple of snappy tackles and nearly instigates a dangerous break. This is so one-sided as to defy belief.

17 min: Gibson sends a cross in from the right, forcing van Bommel to poke behind. Bayern allow the corner to bounce straight through their six-yard box for Rooney, who heads over from eight yards. That was a difficult chance, as he was diving at an awkward height, but a miss nonetheless.

18 min: Rafael goes down under a challenge from van Bommel. He doesn’t get the foul, so takes the Bayern man down with him as he tries to break upfield. That’s a yellow card, and a totally needless one at that.

20 min: Thing is, Bayern only need one goal to level this tie on aggregate. But they haven’t managed to do a thing up front yet - and we’re nearly a quarter of the way through the match. This is outstandingly poor stuff from Bayern, though very impressive from United, who are snapping into every tackle and pressing like Milan circa 1989.

22 min: Rooney is limping around. He’s gone over on his ankle again.

23 min: Nani cuts inside from the left wing and hammers the ball into the top-right corner of the stand behind the goal. That looked dangerous for a second or two.

24 min: The world can start turning again, as Rooney’s reported to have recovered from that knock. Though he’s stopped crunching into tackles and is still wandering around gingerly. Let’s see.

26 min: Ribery and Olic exchange passes down the inside-left channel, but there’s a bank of United shirts along the edge of the area and they can’t get close to goal. Eventually the ball’s sent inside to Schweinsteiger, whose low shot is bloody awful. Bayern are so ineffectual up front.

28 min: MARK VAN BOMMEL BOOKED SHOCK! He sees yellow for a cheeky clip of Flectcher’s heel.

29 min: Fletcher strokes a delightful raking pass straight down the inside-right channel for Valencia, who nearly scoots clear into the box but is denied by a crunching tackle from Schweinsteiger. “So Fergie kills two birds with one stone by picking Rooney,” notes David Wall. “He unnerves Bayern to such an extent that they fall to pieces in the first 10 minutes, and buggers up England’s chances in the World Cup. Quite a feat of multi-tasking.”

31 min: Valencia is causing all sorts of hassle down the right. Schweinsteiger and Demichelis nearly let him tear free down the wing yet again, the former forced into a last-ditch challenge. Corner. From that, Ferdinand screws a shot miles over the bar from eight yards. Bayern are a hopeless rabble. “Forget Berbatov,” exclaims Mike Wilner, the only person who has actually remembered he exists. “I can’t wait for Lord Ferg to bring on the new fellow, Own Goal. Still United’s second leading scorer, and far less pouty than Dimitar. Bayern should fear Mr. O.G.’s introduction.”

34 min: Bayern string a few passes together in the midfield again, but Rafael picks Ribery’s pocket. A long-range one-two with Rooney later, and he’s in acres down the right, romping into the Bayern half and bearing down on goal! He takes a while to cut inside, but eventually does - and drags a poor effort right across the face of goal and wide left of the target. That was the chance to put this tie to bed, right there. In the middle, Rooney - who was clear - has the hot heat. He’s driving the funk mothership into the heart of the sun. I wouldn’t look into his eyes if I were you, Rafael.

37 min: Van Bommel stands on Rooney’s right ankle. Naughty Mark! Cynical Mark! “United are playing very well but I’m not sure how impressed to be,” writes Gene Salorio. “Are Bayern always this crap?” Pretty much. “Slow, disorganized in defense, can’t pass the ball when they have it, can’t regain possession when they lose it. They look like the team that lost home and away to Bordeaux in the group stages.”

39 min: Bayern put their best football toghether, though it comes to naught. A reverse ball by Robben in the centre sets the previously anonymous Muller free-ish down the right. He cuts inside, and slips it left to Olic, who is clear in the box just to the left of goal. Olic’s touch is dreadfully heavy, however, and Van der Sar is able to come out and smother. “If that Rafael chance had been Neville, that would’ve been in,” suggests Callum Hamilton. If that was Neville, he’d still be running to reach the edge of the centre circle.

41 min: AND THIS, I WOULD SUGGEST, IS THAT. Manchester United 3-0 Bayern Munich (agg 4-2). Gibson throws in down the right. Valencia bursts down the wing and into the box, and passes into the centre. The ball avoids everyone in the middle and reaches Nani, 12 yards out to the left of goal. The winger hammers an unstoppable shot into the roof of the net, and Bayern Munich are surely finished.

43 min: OR IS IT?!? Manchester United 3-1 Bayern Munich (agg 4-3). Olic chases a Muller header into the box down the inside-left channel. He barges Carrick off the ball with ease, and bobbles a finish into the bottom-right corner from a very tight angle. That was played out in slow-motion, to silence. It’s back on, though you wouldn’t fancy Bayern to hold out at the back for another 47 minutes of football.

45 min: Robben diddles down the right, cuts inside and curls a wonderful effort towards the bottom-left corner. Van der Sar tips round the post, excellent work all round. From the corner, the ball balloons into the air, Van Buyten below it, ready to volley goalwards from 12 yards. A despairing dive by Vidic blocks the effort wonderfully. Suddenly Bayern’s tails are up; they won’t be wanting to hear the whistle.

HALF TIME: Manchester United 3-1 Bayern Munich. Bayern’s defence are a shocking rabble. Valencia delivers a dangerous cross from the right for the 473rd time. It’s half cleared, only to Fletcher just outside the area. A decent block by Demichelis does just about enough to stop the ball sailing netward, and that’s that for the half. And what a half. “Last night’s game was great but I think this is more exciting,” opines Jerry Thomas.” The second 45 should be complete harum scarum time.” Unless United score another couple of times in the first 15 minutes of it, which given the visitors’ utter hopelessness at the back, isn’t beyond the realms.

Jonathan Wilson Corner (not starring Jonathan Wilson). “Ferg should buy Ribery in the summer and convert him into a right-back,” suggest Ben Dunn. “It’d be the reverse Neville with the same aesthetic beauty. Ribery would provide attacking intent from deep instead of Neville’s steady reliability at the back. No, hang on, that doesn’t work.” And here’s Thad Brown: “I think everyone has been reading Jonathon Wilson’s article about how important it is to press the ball in the opposition half to win back possession. That’s a great idea, but not when you’re getting cut to absolute ribbons behind your midfield.”

And we’re off again! A change for Bayern: Muller has been replaced by Mario Gomez.

47 min: Gomez gets involved from the off, going up against Ferdinand down the left. The United defender comes out on top. Unlike the first half, it’s the visitors who are dominating possession just after the first whistle. Are United nervous?

48 min: Ribery can’t quite find space down the left as he reaches the United area, but does win a corner off Rafael. That’s the sum total of that attack, the corner being wasted, as is the fashion with the kids these days.

50 min: RED CARD!!! Manchester United are down to ten men, Rafael walking after being given a second yellow card for cynically tugging Ribery back as he burst towards the United area with options either side. United shouldn’t worry too much. After all, it’s not going to be too long before van Bommel follows him, is it?

52 min: Schweinsteiger is crudely upended on the edge of the United box by Ferdinand. That’s a clear free kick, and a yellow card to boot, but amazingly the referee waves play on. United got away with that.

54 min: There’s an unpleasant edge to this game now. Badstuber is ludicrously late on Valencia, 30 yards from goal on the right wing. It’s a thoroughly deserved booking.

55 min: Butt flaps at a deep cross from the right. His weak punch reaches Nani on the edge of the area. He should scoop the ball back into the empty net for his Turkey, but waits, allowing Butt to scamper back and tip the lob over.

56 min: Rooney - not moving particularly freely, it has to be said - is replaced by John O’Shea. From the corner resulting from the Nani effort, Fletcher curls a shot well wide right.

57 min: Since Rafael’s dismissal, it’s United who have cleared their heads. Bayern haven’t put many passes together at all.

59 min: Ribery has a whack from distance, cutting in front the left. It’s straight at Van der Sar and parried clear. “Thanks to you Scott I have bloody hambone on the brain,” rants Ed Bottomley. “My wife asked me what I wanted for din dins and I responded: hambone! Additionally my two year old (clearly influenced by his dad) is actually playing with his toys using the words ‘hambone’ and ‘Messi’ at least once a minute.” That’s guardian.co.uk, influencing a new generation. Oh Jebus help us all.

61 min: Shaky, shaky Manchester United. First Carrick scoops a dangerous backpass to his keeper, forcing Van der Sar to hack clear with Olic looming. Then Vidic gives away a cheap corner on the right. It’s cleared after a game of Head Tennis, but soon enough O’Shea is forced to concede another from a low Badstuber ball from the left. Again the corner is cleared - but can United keep this up for another 30 minutes?

63 min: United can’t keep hold of the ball at all. It keeps coming back, and back, and back. Ribery and Robben stroke it this way and that.. and then suddenly, after Valencia rakes a long clearance-cum-pass down the left wing, Nani is clear in the Bayern half! He romps down the pitch, cuts into the box, and gives the ball a real wallop, but Butt sticks a hand up at the near post and parries behind. What a chance for his Turkey (which is no Hambone, in more ways than one).

65 min: Two corners follow the Nani chance. First Fletcher’s low shot is deflected wide left, then Carrick hoofs a poor attempt miles over the bar from ten yards out, albeit in a crowded area.

67 min: Lahm Gary Nevilles a superb deep cross in from the right, Gomez’s header towards the top-left corner only inches over the bar. A lovely move.

69 min: Again, the majority of the play is with Bayern. Robben and Ribery are both playing deep to get involved, stroking it around the middle a lot. United are looking for Nani with a long ball every time they break up a Bayern passing move.

71 min: Low hard shots straight at the keeper at both end. First Schweinsteiger, then Gibson, no fumbles.

73 min: Thing is, Bayern have had all the ball, but created next to nothing, even with ten men. United are being forced to dig in, but they’re the ones who have created the really dangerous chances in this half.

74 min: OH MY GOODNESS, WHAT A FANTASTIC GOAL. Manchester United 3-2 Bayern Munich (agg 4-4). From a deep corner from the right, sent to the edge of the area, Robben shapes and unleashes a preposterous volley towards the bottom-left corner. It’s steered perfectly into the net, Van der Sar given no chance. That was on a par with those corners Beckham and Scholes used to put together back in the day. Bayern are going through on away goals as things stand.

77 min: Robben wins a corner down the right. It’s his last act of the evening, Altintop coming on in his stead.

78 min: Vidic, lying on the ground, toepokes Olic in the sack! What a cheeky one. The ref takes no action.

81 min: Two subs for United: Berbatov and Giggs on, Carrick and Gibson off. Old Trafford screams its approval.

83 min: Ribery has a hopeless pop from miles out. That was terrible, barely staying in the stadium. Here, Robben was one of the prime movers in retaining possession for Bayern. Was taking him off such a smart move by the away side? Could it be the worst quarter-final managerial decision since Gerard Houllier replaced Didi Hamman with Vladimir Smicer against Bayer Leverkusen? Berbatov made the difference to the winners that night; will history (sort of) repeat itself here?

85 min: Olic is replaced by Pranjic. Bayern are flooding the midfield.

86 min: Giggs robs van Bommel, feeds Valencia down the inside-right channel, and the ball, helped straight forward, is a smidgen too far for Berbatov in the area. United only need one sniff.

88 min: Bayern play keep ball for a couple of minute. It looks for a second as though Schweinsteiger is going to break into the area down inside-left channel, but he’s eventually hounded off the ball by Vidic and O’Shea.

89 min: Ribery George Bests in from the left, right across the face of the United area, and welts a decent effort towards the top-right corner. It’s wide and high, though not by much. Down the other end, Nani looks for that Turkey goal by cutting inside from the right and slapping a low hard shot across the face of goal; the effort’s wide.

90 min: Old Trafford is very quiet. Can United take the roof off? There will be three more minutes of this.

90 min +1: Vidic romps into the Bayern half, but only manages to clumsily bowl Schweinsteiger over. Time is eaten up.

90 min +2: Ribery wins a corner down the left. “Just seen the replay of Ribery’s shot going agonisingly wide and there seem to be dozens of people heading for the exits,” writes Gareth Marshall. “What is WRONG with these people? They support the world’s spawniest injury time specialists. I wouldn’t leave a second before the end. Fools.”

FULL TIME: Manchester United 3-2 Bayern Munich. And that’s that. What a very, very strange game. Manchester United are out of Europe. They looked home and hosed until Carrick allowed himself to be barged off the ball by Olic, allowing Bayern to regain a foothold in the match just as it looked all over, before they could let their heads drop, and before the end of the first half. And of course Rafael’s idiotic dismissal didn’t exactly help. Well, that’s England out of the Champions League for the season. Now everyone can enjoy the semi-finals together, no matter who they support, arm in arm in the springtime.

Manchester Evening News sports editor Peter Spencer will be online at 12pm on Thursday to talk about all the hottest sporting topics

Greater Manchester Police defend their increased presence at Old Trafford for Manchester United’s match against Chelsea on Saturday.