Dimitar Berbatov scored twice as United returned to the top with a thumping victory
Preamble Hello. You don’t need to tell Manchester United about the perils of a trip to Planet Reebok during a title race. The decisive point of United’s memorably improbable title triumph in 2002-03 came not when they were playing but when Arsenal lost a 2-0 lead, a fair bit of their dignity and effectively their title in a tumultuous Saturday-lunchtime match at Bolton.
Any dropped points today aren’t likely to be terminal, with six games still to go, but this is a trickier assignment for United than the morning positions of 14th v 1st would suggest. Bolton haven’t lost in the league, or even conceded a goal, at home since Arsenal won 2-0 on January 17, and the excellent Owen Coyle is starting to work his not inconsiderable magic.
United’s away form has been mixed all season; they’ve lost five, the same as Stoke. With the European Cup quarter-final in Munich kicking off only 74 hours after this one, Sir Alex Ferguson is sure to tinker – it’s 115* games since he named an unchanged side – so we should be in for an interesting couple of hours. I reckon** United will go behind and win 2-1***.
*Make that 116
* guardian.co.uk cannot be legally held responsible if you spunk your entire boxset collection on the prediction of a man who can’t even use predictive text, never mind correctly call the result of a football match in advance
** Having seen the team news I’d like to revise that prediction ever so slightly: Bolton 5-0 Manchester United
Kick off is at 5.30pm.
Over the line! This has nothing at all to do with the game, but it’s joyous and includes the most famous shout of “over the line!” outside The Big Lebowski.
Bolton (4-4-2) Jaaskelainen; Ricketts, Cahill, Knight, Samuel; Lee, Muamba, Cohen, Wilshere; Elmander, Kevin Davies.
Subs: Al Habsi, Taylor, Riga, Mark Davies, Klasnic, Andrew O’Brien, Weiss.
Man Utd (4-2-3-1) Van der Sar; Neville, Vidic, Jonathan Evans, Evra; Fletcher, Scholes; Valencia, Giggs, Nani; Berbatov.
Subs: Kuszczak, Park, Carrick, Rafael Da Silva, Macheda, Gibson, De Laet.
Team news Wayne Rooney and Rio Ferdinand aren’t in the squad for Manchester United, while Michael Carrick is only on the bench. Jonny Evans, Ryan Giggs and Dimitar Berbatov are their replacements. It’s seems legitimate to presume that Rooney has a knee injury, although there is no official word as to whether Ferdinand is injured or simply being rested because of old age. (He’s 31.)
Bolton also make three changes from their last match, all in the back four: Sam Ricketts, Gary Cahill and Jlloyd Samuel come in for Gretar Steinsson, Andy O’Brien and Paul Robinson.
Rooney and Ferdinand update Both could have played, says Lord Ferg, but United gave them the day off. It’s only Bolton! they have minor injuries and are consequently rested.
1 min United, in red, kick off from right to left. I would describe it in greater detail but, well, it wasn’t all that.
2 min “Is there anything more soul-destroying that spending Saturday afternoon shopping for work shoes?” asks Phil Sawyer. “Actually, asking MBMers that is probably the wrong move…” Go in wearing these and see what happens. People will see you as the rock star of the office and you’ll be having illicit liaisons before you know it.*
* You won’t.
3 min Bolton have started the faster, as you’d expect. Wilshere dragged a long-range shot wide in the first 90 seconds and Davies’s header down almost gave Elmander the chance to miss from 10 yards.
4 min Those old friends Patrice Evra and Kevin Davies come together for the first time, and Davies dives to win a free-kick. It’s 35 yards out, right of centre, and Wilshere’s inswinger is headed away by Evans. Bolton look very lively.
5 min “What is the point of the six-yard box?” randoms Edward Taylor. “It seems to have no function, rather like the aptly monikered FA.”
6 min United have their first concerted attack, but Berbatov overhits a return pass to Evra, who consequently slashes his first-time cross away for a goalkick.
7 min Matthew Lever has located these gems for Phil Sawyer. I like the fact that those shoes would look equally at home in a bowling alley, a boardroom, or a seriously depraved orgy.
9 min Wilshere clatters Gary Neville, to widespread cheers. I know he’s never been the most popular, but when did everyone start to really hate Gary Neville?
10 min United have kept the ball very well for the last few minutes, albeit without making any significant progress behind the Bolton defence. It’s all pretty-pretty stuff, as you’d expect with Giggs, Scholes and Berbatov on the field.
12 min This isn’t very good.
13 min “People started to hate Gary Neville as soon as he started growing that terrible moustache,” says Ian McCourt.
14 min Bolton win the first corner of the match. It’s on the right, swung in by Wilshere, and claimed authoritatively by Van der Sar.
15 min Neville’s brilliant pass frees Valencia down the right, and his lobbed cross is just cleared by the head of Cahill on the six-yard line. It was a vital intervention because Berbatov was lurking jsut behind.
17 min Scholes lashes a bouncing ball well over the bar from 30 yards. A minute earlier he drove a glorious 60-yard crossfield pass to Nani, which lead to the corner which lead to the clearance which lead to Scholes walloping it over the bar.
18 min Fletcher’s low cross from the right brings an instinctive flicked volley from Berbatov, ahead of the near post, and Jaaskelainen reacts quickly to concede the corner. That was sumptuous from Berbatov.
20 min Evans hammers over from 10 yards. From the corner, Berbatov and Fletcher did superbly to keep the ball alive, and Fletcher eventually laid it to Evans, ten yards out and in line with the near post. With bodies converging he had to hit it first time; he screwed it miles over with his left foot. That was a decent chance.
21 min Evra wins the ball with a sliding tackle on Ricketts, and both players come together with a strong impact. Ricketts, accidentally it should be said, kicked Evra flush on the knee. Sir Alex Ferguson is unhappy, because United – and Evra in particular – have been kicked off this pitch in the past. But I think it was an honest challenge. Evra is really struggling here. He’s back on but he’s limping heavily.
23 min “Pessimist that I am, I can see Bolton winning this one,” says Scott W. “Or does this make me an optimist? I don’t support either side. Thinking that Bolton are going to win just seems like a pessimistic thing to think. Yours, a confused neutral.” I’d hate to see you at the bingo.
24 min Giggs and Scholes have been excellent so far, presiding over the game like old dons. But United, for all the authority of their possession, still haven’t got behind Bolton. Berbatov’s link play has been excellent but they inevitably miss the on-the-shoulder threat of Rooney.
25 min Evra seems to be okay. “There’s an upside to the tribalism that leads everyone to hate Gary Neville,” says Gary Naylor. “Did Birmingham really need that last-minute equaliser? Probably not - at least not before Professor Wenger stirred up the tribalism with ill-judged pre-match comment. It’s why run-ins are neither easy nor hard, just there, staring at you, saying, ‘Do you
want some?’”
26 min Cohen runs on to Davies’s flick on, slips past Vidic and shoots from 15 yards, but Vidic recovers excellently to block the shot.
27 min A delightful angled through-ball from Wilshere puts Elmander through on goal in the inside-left channel, albeit at a tight angle. He hammers it towards his near post with the left foot from around four yards, but Van de Sar’s reaction are superb and he plunges to his right to tip it round for a corner.
29 min Davies and Elmander are starting to cause problems, simply because being two big, hard buggers. Bolton have sensed this and are going long a lot more than they were earlier in the game. It’s still not a great game, really.
32 min Giggs slips Knight in the D with a delicious touch after being found by Berbatov, but then he shoots a few yards wide.
33 min Lee’s clipped free-kick, from a very straight position 35 yards out, is headed wide by Cahill.
34 min Berbatov runs onto Nani’s excellent flick and to the edge of the box, but he gave Knight enough time to get back and take the sting out of the shot.
35 min It’s often been said, slightly dubiously, that United played 4-3-3-0 when they had Rooney, Tevez and Ronaldo, when in fact they simply had three rotating forwards. Yet today their formation really does resemble 4-2-4-0, because Giggs and Berbatov are both dropping into the hole. The consequence has been some seriously sensual foreplay, but nothing beyond that. Mick Harford would have applied a couple of rugged knee-tremblers already.
GOAL! Bolton 0-1 Manchester United (Samuel own goal 38) A marvellous finish from Jlloyd Samuel, passed coolly into the corner of his own net. That, rather absurdly, is the 11th own goal scored for United in the league this season. The build-up was excellent. Nani lobbed the ball down the wing to Giggs, who ran from centre to left and behind the defence. Then he pinged a very dangerous, first-time ball across the face of the area, 10 yards out. It just evaded Fletcher but Samuel, at the far post, had a brainmelt and sidefooted it into the far corner. That was farcical.
40 min Van der Sar makes a sensational save. Wilshere, coming infield menacingly from the right, played a short, square pass to Muamba on the edge of the area, who was under pressure but managed to improvise and thrash a lofted shot towards the far corner. It looked certain to go in but Van der Sar leapt to his right, straining every sinew of his right arm to just fingertip it wide. That’s a remarkable save for a keeper of any age, never mind a 92-year-old.
42 min “Can Own Goal and Rooney play well together?” asks Niall Donegan. “Seems like a lot of his goals come when the scouser is rested.”
44 min The Manchester United fans are in good voice, with their version of This Is How It Feels by the Inspiral Carpets. This is how it feels to be City, this is how it feels to be small, this is how it feels when your team wins nothing at all.
45+2 min Bolton hump another ball towards the edge of the box, and Vidic is rightly penalised for baulking Kevin Davies. It’s a free-kick in the D, a wee bit right of centre. It’s laid off by Davies to Cohen, whose shot is blocked by the charging Scholes.
45+3 min A remarkable incident. When the ball went for a corner, Van der Sar was muscled off the ball by Knight, who wanted to take the corner quickly. Van der Sar was stood behind the goal, complaining to the referee Martin Atkinson, who allowed Bolton to take the corner regardless. Had a Bolton player got a head on it Van der Sar would have been nowhere, but a United defender managed to clear.
Half time: Bolton 0-1 Manchester United That was a very lively end to a largely mundane half. Just before the whistle, Ricketts caught Nani in the face with a flailing arm. Martin Atkinson gave nothing, and at the whistle Sir Alex Ferguson came marching onto the pitch to have a square go at the officials, quite possibly beginning every sentence with the word “youse”. He was given a ban for complaining to the referee – Mark Clattenburg I think – at half-time of this fixture two years ago. He has a bit of a case: Bolton haven’t crossed the line, but they’ve come pretty close, and Ricketts’ flailing arm into Nani’s face was irresponsible at best. It should make for a lively second half. See you in 10 minutes.
Half-time Anyone got anything to talk about?
ESPN are interviewing Mark Halsey, who is recovering from cancer and who makes his return to the Football League on Tuesday. All the very best to him, mostly because he seems like a thoroughly good bloke but also because he is England’s best referee by a fair distance.
46 min Bolton kick off. Apparently Sir Alex Ferguson apologised to Martin Atkinson at the start of the second half.
47 min “Just wondering when you think Fulham’s £25,000 fine will come through for fielding a weakened side, a change that probably had more of an impact on the result of the game than wolves’s against Man Utd,” says Jon Dean. “I expect the FA to act swiftly to punish Hodgson for bringing the game into disrepute. Also, with Rooney rested, shouldnt Man Utd be fined as well, for not fielding their best 11?” That Wolves fine, as I ranted here, was a complete disgrace, another example of clueless frackwits making it up as they go along.
48 min Nothing is happening. “Right,” says Tom Hopkins. “Total Wipeout’s finished so I’m back with you. Did I miss anything?”
49 min Berbatov seems set to score United’s second - and then slips over. He played a lovely one-two with Fletcher before running into the area, away from Knight, and was about to shoot from about 15 yards when he lost his footing completely. The reason he slipped was that he had lost his right boot in a challenge with Muamba as he muscled elegantly towards the box. Not enough grip on the United socks, clearly. He was so close to repeating this legendary goal from Preben Elkjaer.
51 min United have started the second half really well, dominating possession to a degree that will disconcert Bolton.
53 min Fletcher plays an aggressive, Veronesque one-two with Berbatov but then slices a first-time shot wide of the near post with the outside of his right foot.
55 min Bolton can’t get in the game at all. United are keeping the ball with disdainful ease. For all that, Jaaskelainen still hasn’t had much to do.
56 min Valencia dry-humps Samuel from behind. The referee decides that this probably contravenes the laws of the game and awards a free-kick to Bolton. It’s curved in by Lee, and cleared desperately at the third attempt by Scholes I think. Bolton had a half-appeal for handball; the ball came off the top of Scholes’s arm as he tried to block Cahill’s overhead kick, but there was no intent.
59 min “I would like to milk some applause given a feat of earlier afternoon, I ran 13.1 miles,” says Liam Maloney. “For my troubles, no other reason.” Running? For kicks? Humans do the funniest things.
60 min A decent little spell for Bolton brings a corner on the left, swung in by Lee and headed miles wide by Ricketts.
61 min “Supposing that United go on to win the league this year, where do you think it would rate against the others that Ferguson has won?” asks David Wall. “It’s true that they’ve often been less dominant and less expansive in the style of play this year, but if you think about the financial hardship at United this season and the extent to which managers of other clubs use that as an excuse, then perhaps it should take on added worth.” Absolutely, even more so as it would be No19 overall and No4 in a row. Off the top of my head I’d say it would rank below only 1995-96 and 2006-07. If it happens.
62 min “Tum te tum te tum te tum,” says Phil Sawyer. “There’s a quite good Indian feast going down on Come Dine With Me.” Sssh. Bolton are having a decent spell here.
63 min Giggs takes Valencia’s low cross beautifully in his stride on the edge of the box, but Cahill gets round to clear for a throw-in just as Giggs was lining up a shot.
64 min “I know I’m pushing on an open door praising Elkjaer, but I’m going to ask the question anyway, as that goal and memories of his play bring it on,” says Gary Naylor. “With CR7 gone, Aaron Lennon laid up and Theo Walcott seemingly turning to Holden Caulfieldesque introspection, is there anyone left in the Premier League who really runs at defenders full tilt? It’s not really Ashley Young’s game nor Stephen Pienaar’s. For all the recent talk of players on the ‘wrong side’ of the pitch, there’s not many that run, feint then lash one in like Kanchelskis used to do whenever his blood was up.” Valencia is very similar to Kanchelskis, although without the same levels of self-belief at this stage in his career. But he demolish a player over 10 yards.
66 min Bolton’s direct approach is starting to trouble United, and Vidic heads behind for another corner. (It actually came off Elmander, but the point remains.) Either way, it comes to nought.
67 min “Congrats to Liam Maloney,” says Zersenay Tadese. I myself ran 13.1 miles just the other day, in Lisbon. It took me 58 mins and 23 seconds.” 13.1 miles! For fun! The things that folk do.
68 min Vidic elbows Elmander in the face in the process of heading a long cross clear. He flattened him but I don’t think there was any intent or malice. In fact I’m sure there wasn’t; it was all about getting the leverage he needed. But it was a real whack and Elmander is bleeding.
GOAL! Bolton 0-2 Manchester United (Berbatov 69) With Elmander off the field, United double their lead. Giggs, on the right wing, opened up the middle of the field with a forensic pass to the onrushing Fletcher, who marauded to the edge of the box before crunching a left-footed shot to the left of Jaaskelainen. He could only fumble it straight out in front of goal, and Berbatov finished coolly from eight yards. Jaaskelainen should have done better but it was a nicely conceived goal, particularly the pass from Giggs, which was like a man whisking away another’s towel in the locker-room.
73 min Three substitutions. United bring on Michael Carrick for Paul Scholes, while Bolton replaces Johan Elmander and Tamir Cohen with Ivan Klasnic and Matt Taylor.
76 min “Ref: Gary Naylor on 64 mins,” says Nick Smith. “In answer to your question, Dirk Kuyt runs at people. He just doesn’t go past them.”
GOAL! Bolton 0-3 Manchester United (Berbatov 78) This is a beautiful goal. Nani tormented Ricketts on the left of the box, dummying him about 84 times before going down the line and passing it across the face of goal to Berbatov, who finished the job with an insouciant flick of the outside of his right foot. That wasn’t an easy finish, but he made it look so.
80 min Taylor shoots well wide from 20 yards.
81 min Darron Gibson replaces Darren Fletcher, who was again terrific and has become irreplaceable for this side.
GOAL! Bolton 0-4 Manchester United (Gibson 82) Gibson scores with his first touch. Berbatov played a nice pass down the left to Nani; he completely embarrassed Ricketts again before laying the ball back for Gibson, running into the box, to open up his body and sidefoot a crisp right-footed shot through Jaaskelainen and in off the underside of the bar. That was another very good goal.
84 min Federico Macheda – remember him – comes on for Ryan Giggs, who played expertly in the hole behind (or alongside) Berbatov.
85 min “So, Darren Fletcher,” says Ben Dunn. “Players’ Player of the Year?” Rooney or Fabregas, you suspect, but if he’s not in the top six it will confirm once and for all that footballers are very stupid.
88 min The excellent Nani and Macheda combine to free Gibson on the left of the box, but his low cross is cleared for a corner.
90 min Muamba’s curving shot from 25 yards is straight at Van der Sar.
90+1 min There will be three minutes of added time. Can Bolton turn this round?
Full time: Bolton 0-4 Manchester United The scoreline is harsh on Bolton, but United were deserved winners and played some very good stuff indeed. Nani gave Sam Ricketts a fearful chasing in the second half and made the third and fourth goals. United go back to the top, which sets up a serious humdinger against Chelsea a week today. Thanks for your emails; night.

